How self sabotage works

and then I know I’m the one making it not work, and it makes me hate myself even more. aaand the cycle continuessss

trying, Stark. I really don’t like myself much, so that’s kinda the problem. I think part of me wants me to fail because I feel like that’s what I deserve.

I've self sabotaged my entire life 🤷 always felt like I didn't deserve shit, or idk.. someone like me isn't supposed to live long.
I self destruct in the worst ways & I'm still trying to dig myself out of the hole I put myself in. It's still not over but I'm trying

I've found that with painting and drawing I've taken a much different approach. Because it's such a new thing for me I'm surprised when I do well. I also looked into perfectionism and how it takes the enjoyment out of things and holds us back.

Something that helped was the idea of drawing and painting loosely and letting things come together. There's a passive and meditative aspect to it, allowing things to be as they appear, and in doing so you get out of your own way.

Starting from something that looks nothing like anything and it forming into something, like nature does when something grows feels natural, and the process becomes enjoyable.
I think that's something we could all do to apply to everything in life. It's like buddhism says about letting go, a perfectionist hears "giving up" but it actually means progressing and enjoying. We stop "trying" and start enjoying, we've made the process synomonous with that, and our cultural focus on striving to be better actually gets in the way of doing that.

So it will be a mindful process for me as well, but I hope this helps.

I thought like that when i was a kid but then realized only i can make shit better so every day is a new day now

This is something I'm slowly making progress on.

If wasn't self sabotage I just didn't want to be around certain people ie.. ex family and friends.

I have had a lifetime of self sabotage... And yes it is very like this

Cut the shit, okie? 🥺

Yep, always try your best and never give up

Be well, be healthy 🙏

I need someone physically slapped me so hard to get my self - conscious back. Every time when good shit happens, I'll sabotaging myself over and over. I think I have fetish to torture my emotional and torment my own mental.

I used to do this a lot, until I realised that the only person who can make things better is me and mistakes or bad choices in my past don’t make me a bad person deserving of eternal misery. It’s a hard cycle to break

LoL okay okay, get called on my self sabotaging shit in therapy Wednesday, and another reminder... a'ight Universe I hear it and am humbled.

Yesterday I feel I've FINALLY jumped that hurdle

This is me to a T

I keep catching myself thinking that I dont deserve to live good but I worked so hard. Just life kept handing me shit to the point that when good things go my way, I expect something to go horribly wrong. I try but it's hard. I fight this everyday