I Have Erectile Dysfunction

PandoraAdore, hi :) I always believed this was what the site was for - writing things for an international audience, someone is bound to see something you write as potentially useful or helpful - even if it doesn't happen for a long while... Now, surprisingly, it happened to me! :D

So, thank you so so much for posting, and divulging such information about yourself. It's qiute a big leap for some people to write about such things, but I guess you really relate to the things I wrote here so long ago so here goes, I will try to do justice to your reply.

When I said my fantasy was dying, that was not strictly 100% true... It was, but it still lingers. If I don't get s**ual activity with my partner (still the same one thankfully!) I need release, and that's where it comes from. But, she has begun to realise I need s**ual release and I had so far got it simply as quickly as possible, as an annoyance and something that takes quite a lot of time out of my days. Se* with previous partners was an extension of that, with no desire to be loving or share the time really for any longer than needed. Of course I would pleasure her afterwards, so we both got to climax... But, s*x was really functional rather than for pleasure (though I can't deny I enjoyed it!).

So, then she came along and loved me. And, I loved her. But this was reeeeeeally hard for me to translate to the bedroom. Being larger, I was genuinely scared to cuddle her in case I hit a sensitive spot, or made her feel uncomfortable. This went on for some time until she approached me. During these times, she was uncomfortable with s*x so we didn't have much - and I j*rk*d off a lot. This also didn't help me feel touchy feely - I felt dirty and unfaithful, but it was necessary or I'd start doing inappropriate things... So it's taken a while, she had to overcome her uneasiness with her weight - only way to do that is accept that you're overweight: you cannot move on from something or change it until you accept that it exists in the first place. That way she wouldn't flinch and became more open to me touching her. I also re-discovered how nice it was to hold her hand, and run my finger up and down hers. It didn't take much to then extend that into feeling her, running my hand up and down her whole body - discovering that it's not so bad after all. There is nothing really to be scared of. I think that's what saved it for us, the word exploration. Exploring your partner's body is something he (and/or you?) may be scared to begin, but once you/he do/es you will get closer and closer and more things will start to happen - but everything must be open, and if something feels wrong it must be made very very clear (but also very clear that it's a good thing to find out what's wrong, because without doing that you totally miss out on what's right!).

So, exploration and thereby developing love and intimacy.

Otherwise, note what I said about j*rk*ng off. If a guy's on his own for a while, it's necessary (generally). Or, at least it is for me. It may feel a little contrived at times, but try to notice when he's feeling slightly turned on, and catch that moment and transform it into a nice experience. One without tension or nerves - writhe and really show him it feels good to feel his touch - literally wherever he may want to give it. And, if something out of the ordinary appears out of it, don't be scared. As you will have noticed, there are many things that can turn someone on - so if he tells you something like that you must react calmly, and openly - maybe it's not your idea of fun (could easily sound disgusting) but if you love him, maybe in the end someday you will come round to the idea - again, seize that moment and take him on.

From that, you may learn some triggers for him, but really I think it's going to be about wanting him - specifically him - inside you, and conveying that with your every move. Alongside coolness, and allowing him to try any angle or anything that he wants to - quite possibly making mistakes along the way but your aim should be to kill his nerves - calm, it's ok, let me try that next time....

Also re b*** jobs, I lose my erection sometimes if she's giving one but not 100% feeling the passion. At that point, change to something else. Perhaps rubbing your body up him and coming up to a kiss and showing you want him. If, of course, you do still want him at that point, if not it's ok to stop.

That's another point - it's ok to stop if things lose their passion. Both of you must know that because if you lay there for a little while naked together, trying to do something else like read to each other, or watch a movie... You may well recover from whatever triggered the turn-off :D

Erm, final note - I'm still learning my way through touching my girlfriend lovingly. I know how to make her moan but doing it out of love rather than function is hard for me still. Letting go is the problem. It can be a taboo term, but if you use concrete examples like letting go when the passion goes (stopping is ok), let your hand wander to any part of me you please, ... Then it breaks it down into bitesize (excuse the term) chunks.

I'd like to hear how you get on, too. Stay in touch?
-D9

PS sorry for the wall of text!! Also sorry if any of it seems condescending, I know nothing about you other than what's in your comment (my bad?).

PPS question yourself? Hate yourself? That just goes to prove that people really are stupid :) All people, not just you or your partner, me included! Please, please, just accept yourself and that your life up to this point has dictated where you are now, and move forward from there. Hating it, or feeling down about it will only serve to increase your sadness - if there is one thing I am certain we were not born to do, it's increase the sadness in the world. If you look deep down and find there are things you want to improve, I once wrote some things about losing weight... If you're interested you will find.

Much love.

ZOMG your lingerie story! That rings serious bells with me. My ex once went to a club with me, and was wearing a skirt. She was wasted so much i disapproved, and I wasn't having a good time, she disappeared for most of the night and left me alone, then came and found me to tell me she was wearing no knickers. I was disgusted at that to be honest, and was told after I should've been aroused etc. I wasn't. It was a horrible experience. That is another point for you - jumping into something too far outside of your normal experiences will be a shock for him, he probably loved it but had no idea what to do! POOR YOU, and also poor him - he missed out bigtime. Take him bra shopping - he gets to choose something he likes the look of you in, you don't have to have him in the changing rooms - I sit outside, and M&S is one of the few places my gf can get a bra from too btw!! But then he's involved and it feels good... Oh boy does it feel good :)

Good luck m'dear, and thanks again for posting. I think I'd better shut up now for risk of ... not sure what.

Wow,

I think maybe you could be of some help to me. Maybe some way we can help each other. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He treats me incredibly, is kind and I can tell he loves me a lot. He is affectionate with me as far as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, snuggling and even writing me the occasional love email. He tells me all the time how much I mean to him and wherever we are he finds a way to kiss me, touch me or hold my hand. He sings to the rooftops about how wonderful his girlfriend is and every friend I meet tells me they have heard so many great things about me. So whats the problem?

Well we were together a year without any real passionate intimacy and it was starting to make me hate myself and question myself. Previous to me he has only had sex with women he didn't really know (not that many mind you...he has only been with 6 girls). He also had always been with a particular type of woman. He pretty much has survived on porn for the last I-don't-know-how-many years and hasn't really been intimate with a female. I guess he was really depressed and kind of became reclusive. I patiently waited and do not bring on the pressure, but it was getting to me and he could tell. We had gone on a romantic trip together and I came out of the bathroom wearing lingerie, which took a lot for me to do because I am on the heavier side myself and am very self conscious. He completely rejected me and I broke down. It was as if he barely noticed. He made an excuse as always, turned around and went straight to bed. I ended up in tears and threw the lingerie away in the garbage. Months later he and I had a conversation about that night and he told me he is just timid and was used to women making all of the first moves. He said he knew us not being intimate bothered me and said he was attracted to me and doesn't want me thinking otherwise. He was just not used to being a part of the human race for so long he didn't know what moves to make or what to do or how to act. That night we attempted intimacy. The problem is I think I now know why he has been avoiding it. I was in the middle of giving him a **** job, which he seemed very into and he just lost his erection. Throughout the course of the evening he would get an erection for a small amount of time and just kept loosing it. We gave up on him and he pleasured me instead. This has happened again since then. We try intimacy and he looses his erection or can't maintain it. He said he was sorry and that he was just over thinking things too much. I don't even know if that is it or if there is a much bigger problem. I have never been with a guy who didn't get an erection easily or couldn't maintain it so I am not sure what is normal or what is not normal. I am not even sure what he means by he is over-thinking things too much. I am just as lost as you are.

Thanks @ShaneBlack for bringing me back here, and for the considerate suggestion :) My problem was solved in a different way though. I was masturbating over a fetish, alongside a girlfriend who through work stress and odd hours and living apart we didn't get many chances for sex. Stress reduces libido in some people - period. I learned through writing this post to stare that challenge in the face and try my level best to relax her, and in the proces came to a new level of respect for her as a human being, a person like me. That is what cured me - although I admit I am not there yet I am moving in the right direction :)

@peter26 - Thanks, but I don't think it's that - unless I'm suddenly gay... Which is possible I guess, since I only really get turned on with the prospect of friction... Unless it's real love and my every essence wants to be gentle at first and get passionate when it's all definitely set in stone? ...
@Joe833a - Thanks so much :) I think it will all be ok in the end, and yes I do have a lot on my plate at the moment!!! So, maybe when things start evening out it'll happen. I'll try to relax and have a little me-time every now and then :)

Well, a hell of a lot of sh*t happened since I wrote this, and Joe833a was right. Love is now in the air - same person, lots of events later - and there's no problem in the department now. All I needed was to be sure what I really wanted most in all the world was to both please this 1 person, and have the time of my life while I was at it. Simple, but effective :D

Well, you may try to use one of the ED pills that are widely available here. I have bout them several times, just was curious about the effect, and I can say the effect was more than I expected. You may also try them, just as a little help for your relationships. There are many online shops for them, but I bot my pills here:
proinfomeds.com

I think you need to relax. stop worrying about this. When your off the meds and getting enough sleep things work much better, don't push it. Sometimes it just doesn't work, that's normal. If love is in the works everything will work out fine.

I always buy viagra (cialis, levitra) here http://healthreorder.com/category/Erectile_Dysfunction?ref_id=3559 . Cheaply and quickly deliver. We with the wife are pleased.:)
Recommend.

I just realized how old this post is. LOL. You probably won't even read this. If you do though, please let me know how things turned out for you. Maybe it will help me better relate to my boyfriend.