I Have Erectile Dysfunction

Ugh....
Well, my story's a heart-saddening one. But, enough of that.
The point is It's been me and my hand for a few months now, since my ex left me. The life had been dwindling out of me (my actual life here, not my dick's life), as our relationship became less and less good.
Then there was one thing that always got me off (no prizes for guessing what!).
Then I started to lose that, seeing it for what it is, and seeing people for people again, sort of becoming more of a human rather than an alien outsider.
Now that doesn't get me, and I met a girl last weekend whom I'd known for a few years but barely seen. Then, we accidentally ended up in her bed. I don't need to explain here - that's for another experience.
Point is she climbed on top, and I got very little. Tonnes of pre-cum lubricational juices (embarrassing) but nothing happened. She got off, I got on a lil later and still nothing. Now I know I'm not ready for sex with her yet, and she's a lil bigger than I've ever had before so my hands weren't completely comfortable running over her body for the first time. AND we've never even been on a date. And I'd psyched myself up for 9mths of pulling myself together and becoming more human - not jumping into bed with her!

So, whether or not I have a problem I can't really say. I've been having trouble with desperately needing the loo suddenly, and often. Got given meds for that (Solifenacin), then got acid reflux. Meds for that (PPI = lansoprazole) -> crazy hyper/crash/jittery/shaky. That may also have been influenced by not getting to sleep til 12 last night being so excited that it was confirmed (as could be) that she felt exactly the same about me as I do her.

So, we wait. I'm hoping it's just that I've found love, and nothing else will 'get me off' for a while now. I just need to be more comfortable with her, and all will be well. That's what I'm hoping. If it isn't that, then... I'm all ears for solutions. . .

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PandoraAdore

Wow,

I think maybe you could be of some help to me. Maybe some way we can help each other. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He treats me incredibly, is kind and I can tell he loves me a lot. He is affectionate with me as far as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, snuggling and even writing me the occasional love email. He tells me all the time how much I mean to him and wherever we are he finds a way to kiss me, touch me or hold my hand. He sings to the rooftops about how wonderful his girlfriend is and every friend I meet tells me they have heard so many great things about me. So whats the problem?

Well we were together a year without any real passionate intimacy and it was starting to make me hate myself and question myself. Previous to me he has only had sex with women he didn't really know (not that many mind you...he has only been with 6 girls). He also had always been with a particular type of woman. He pretty much has survived on porn for the last I-don't-know-how-many years and hasn't really been intimate with a female. I guess he was really depressed and kind of became reclusive. I patiently waited and do not bring on the pressure, but it was getting to me and he could tell. We had gone on a romantic trip together and I came out of the bathroom wearing lingerie, which took a lot for me to do because I am on the heavier side myself and am very self conscious. He completely rejected me and I broke down. It was as if he barely noticed. He made an excuse as always, turned around and went straight to bed. I ended up in tears and threw the lingerie away in the garbage. Months later he and I had a conversation about that night and he told me he is just timid and was used to women making all of the first moves. He said he knew us not being intimate bothered me and said he was attracted to me and doesn't want me thinking otherwise. He was just not used to being a part of the human race for so long he didn't know what moves to make or what to do or how to act. That night we attempted intimacy. The problem is I think I now know why he has been avoiding it. I was in the middle of giving him a **** job, which he seemed very into and he just lost his erection. Throughout the course of the evening he would get an erection for a small amount of time and just kept loosing it. We gave up on him and he pleasured me instead. This has happened again since then. We try intimacy and he looses his erection or can't maintain it. He said he was sorry and that he was just over thinking things too much. I don't even know if that is it or if there is a much bigger problem. I have never been with a guy who didn't get an erection easily or couldn't maintain it so I am not sure what is normal or what is not normal. I am not even sure what he means by he is over-thinking things too much. I am just as lost as you are.

DreamCoCreators · 36-40, M

Oh and depressed/reclusive? Exactly where I was. He quite possibly has a fetish he can't get rid of, and may/may not realise it's possible to enjoy one with you and love you at the same time, without having to use it to 'get off' every so often. Try to watch him, stay with him for a few days if you can and watch closely what happens. If he seems different from normal, gentle probing might well yield a result! Especially if you seem interested/have something you'd like to try as well. Also my gf recently said she wants to experience raw, basic, s*x as it naturally happens. Trying to hold back from c*****g or move in different ways etc. excluded. Maybe starting again like that would help him? BW's!!

PandoraAdore

@desperation9
I will most definitley keep in touch because you have been SO VERY VERY HELPFUL! I am sure I will refer to this post often to take your tips and I will probably contact you in the future. I guess it is different for both of us. It is different for me because I am used to being in sexual relationships where all i had to do was kiss a man and get an erection/ response out of him. They were also very comfortable with who they were, which made me more comfortable and things progressed so much more quickly. Because he is so awkward I am awkward in response. He gets nervous and hesitant and then I start hesitating and questioning myself. I wonder what he is thinking and if he really likes me or is "turned on" by me or not. I know he is into porn and one day after fooling around a little I opened up a discussion about what he was into. We had this no holds barred conversation about what he likes and he was excited to feel comfortable talking to me about what turns him on without me judging him. I told him the kind of porn I like, etc. I am used to never making the first move, so when it came time to try fooling around I had a hard time just sucking it up and being the initiator. When we fooled around I guided his had to where I liked to be touched so things would be easier on him without all the guessing. He said my noises turned him on, etc. I guess what worries me is that with the guys I was with before, during these stages they at least experienced an erection. He never got one. After touching him for a bit and playing with him I got one, started to give him a bj and he lost it. After that all I knew to do was to assure him that it was okay and not to stress about it. I told him I loved him and kissed him, but at that moment he shut down on me, kept apologizing and we instead laid there to talk. I think I am going to try some of the steps you mentioned and see where that gets me. I also need to try not to take things so personally but it is so hard not to. I have to say though, your response makes me feel a whole lot better. Thank you so much (-:

Side note: As for the weight loss, since I have been with him I have lost a considerable amount of weight and I am still loosing.