DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
Several have said seek counseling. And that is solid. Even if it's just by yourself.
Yet I must emphasize that you should keep pressing on couples counseling. It's what you both need most.
Yet I must emphasize that you should keep pressing on couples counseling. It's what you both need most.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@DeWayfarer thank u 🫶🏼 i’ll really try to get him to agree to it.
Sojournersoul · M
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Sojournersoul ik
Sojournersoul · M
@glossyheart you know what to do. It is hard but you can do it.
Magicianzini · M
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Magicianzini i know.
Ontheroad · M
There is nothing easy with what you are going through - nothing.
I would suggest waiting and living in the turmoil both emotionally/psychologically and physically, is not for sure, the right path.
If you can, reach out for counseling for yourself. If that isn't possible, then my thoughts would be to make the best decision you can for your child - in the end, that will be what is best for you and your child.
I would suggest waiting and living in the turmoil both emotionally/psychologically and physically, is not for sure, the right path.
If you can, reach out for counseling for yourself. If that isn't possible, then my thoughts would be to make the best decision you can for your child - in the end, that will be what is best for you and your child.
PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
There's a book I think you should look at. It's called " The care and feeding of husband's" it's by Dr Laura Schlesinger.
What are the top three most common things you argue about?
What were the reasons you fell in love with Ryan firstly and do you think those things are still a part of his personality?
If you had the power to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What do you think Ryan would want to change if anything?
What are the top three most common things you argue about?
What were the reasons you fell in love with Ryan firstly and do you think those things are still a part of his personality?
If you had the power to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What do you think Ryan would want to change if anything?
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@PatientlyWaiting25 idk if you expect an answer to all of this, but i’ll give it anyway. 1. that i work, & while i work he’s gotta watch the baby 😂 he is a mobile mechanic and picks his own hours and shit, even when he doesn’t work i have to get up with her in the mornings and take care of her up until i have to leave for work around 2ish in the afternoon. then come home around midnight and if she’s still awake he’s like “take her i’ve had her the whole 8 hours you were at work”
2. when i am at work he doesn’t clean or do laundry or anything, i gotta.. & he really wants me to quit my job and be a SAHM but my mental health & post partum - i cannoott do that, it’s not an option
3. he makes comments about my body now. i used to weigh 130 & now i weigh 200 something it’s in my face kinda my arms and my legs i’m so self conscious abt it & he’s just mean about it sometimes.
4. oh & he’s so secretive abt his phone sometimes & i know he’s hiding something. this causes him to say i’m “an insecure psycho that needs to grow up”
what made me fall in love with him was his kind personality, his charm, he’s older than me. i’m 23 & he’s 34 so i figured i finally got a mature man…
i’d wanna change my weight issues… & i know he’d wanna change the same thing. he has said that & it makes me even more insecure and hate myself even more
2. when i am at work he doesn’t clean or do laundry or anything, i gotta.. & he really wants me to quit my job and be a SAHM but my mental health & post partum - i cannoott do that, it’s not an option
3. he makes comments about my body now. i used to weigh 130 & now i weigh 200 something it’s in my face kinda my arms and my legs i’m so self conscious abt it & he’s just mean about it sometimes.
4. oh & he’s so secretive abt his phone sometimes & i know he’s hiding something. this causes him to say i’m “an insecure psycho that needs to grow up”
what made me fall in love with him was his kind personality, his charm, he’s older than me. i’m 23 & he’s 34 so i figured i finally got a mature man…
i’d wanna change my weight issues… & i know he’d wanna change the same thing. he has said that & it makes me even more insecure and hate myself even more
@glossyheart the last thing you want is to be more dependant upon this man child.
PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
@glossyheart the only thing I have issue with is what is he hiding in his phone? I do find that worrying.
Could you depend on him to be a good provider for you and your daughter if you did give up work? And what is it you think you gain with your mental health by being at work?
I have three boys and I was a stay at home mum throughout their younger years and I gained a lot, I saw ALL of their mile stones. I was able to have more control over their care and have the time to provide healthy meals. I had a stronger bond and attachment with them. I made friends at mother and baby groups, wriggly readers at the library etc and I had less stress because I was secure in my role as a home maker and not having to fit my life as a mum around another commitment.
That said, the ONLY way that could be viable is if you can trust your man to fully take on the responsibility of providing and for his work to be very steady and stable.
Could you depend on him to be a good provider for you and your daughter if you did give up work? And what is it you think you gain with your mental health by being at work?
I have three boys and I was a stay at home mum throughout their younger years and I gained a lot, I saw ALL of their mile stones. I was able to have more control over their care and have the time to provide healthy meals. I had a stronger bond and attachment with them. I made friends at mother and baby groups, wriggly readers at the library etc and I had less stress because I was secure in my role as a home maker and not having to fit my life as a mum around another commitment.
That said, the ONLY way that could be viable is if you can trust your man to fully take on the responsibility of providing and for his work to be very steady and stable.
CookieCrumbs · F
Someone once said to me:
“The hardest decision to make is possibly the right one.”
You have to talk to someone who could help you through this - to help you process your emotions and at the same time help you see the realities of the situation in order for you to make the best decision.
“The hardest decision to make is possibly the right one.”
You have to talk to someone who could help you through this - to help you process your emotions and at the same time help you see the realities of the situation in order for you to make the best decision.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@CookieCrumbs thank you 😭😭😭
GoFish · 41-45, F
sometimes you have to break a house to rebuild it.. don't tolerate bad behavior because you are afraid of breaking off a relationship .. if it's toxic and hostile save yourself.. you want him throwing stuff at your kid or worse throwing your kid around? because it seems like the bad vibes of your home are only intensifying
GoFish · 41-45, F
@glossyheart yeah it does.. have you tried deescalating the arguments like not arguing with him?
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Cyclist · 46-50, M
Would he want to get divorced? If you told him that he has to work with you or you’re leaving would he let you go, or would he try to keep you? If he doesn’t want a divorce you can use that for leverage.
BreathingFreshAir · 22-25, F
sorry its so hard
Mamapolo2016 · F
First, try not to make any permanent decisions 5 months into motherhood. You’re still adjusting physically, emotionally and psychologically.
It’s more of an upheaval than most admit.
I urge you to find somebody professional to talk to. You need support and suggestions.
Was your relationship rocky before the baby?
I would say at this point in time, what’s on his phone is the least of your concerns.
I am truly sorry you feel in such turmoil.
It’s more of an upheaval than most admit.
I urge you to find somebody professional to talk to. You need support and suggestions.
Was your relationship rocky before the baby?
I would say at this point in time, what’s on his phone is the least of your concerns.
I am truly sorry you feel in such turmoil.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Mamapolo2016 no it was perfect before the baby! no fights at all he was perfect, everything was perfect..😭 thank you so much
Mamapolo2016 · F
@glossyheart Okay. That doesn’t mean the baby caused the trouble. Babies don’t cause trouble. It’s the parents’ REACTIONS to the baby that’s the problem.
Especially when we’re young, we waltz into situations that can’t be understood before they are experienced. You are in love with him and he with you! It’s almost perfect. Then there’s a baby.
Babies mean somebody has to be paying attention. All the time. That means both parents will receive less attention from each other at the same time they’re getting less sleep, worrying more, wondering what will happen if anything goes radically wrong. Perfectly normal, but scary.
Forget the Hallmark movies. That’s not how life works. Most new mothers do not slim down within a week - or a month - or a year. You just built a person. It takes a toll. Be patient with yourself.
At the same time, your SO is also under increased pressure. Most people don’t react well under pressure. Be patient with him too.
Try not to introduce sensitive topics when one or both of you are angry. Try to talk when you’re both calm. Don’t lay out a long list of asks. If he hates doing dishes, suggest you do the dishes if he does the laundry. Figure it out.
The worst part about feeling how you feel is that it seems like life is a terribly tangled ball of yarn that actively resists untangling. You feel overwhelmed. You see no light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t encourage either of you to be upset.
Find a way to make the untangling a mutual effort.
Especially when we’re young, we waltz into situations that can’t be understood before they are experienced. You are in love with him and he with you! It’s almost perfect. Then there’s a baby.
Babies mean somebody has to be paying attention. All the time. That means both parents will receive less attention from each other at the same time they’re getting less sleep, worrying more, wondering what will happen if anything goes radically wrong. Perfectly normal, but scary.
Forget the Hallmark movies. That’s not how life works. Most new mothers do not slim down within a week - or a month - or a year. You just built a person. It takes a toll. Be patient with yourself.
At the same time, your SO is also under increased pressure. Most people don’t react well under pressure. Be patient with him too.
Try not to introduce sensitive topics when one or both of you are angry. Try to talk when you’re both calm. Don’t lay out a long list of asks. If he hates doing dishes, suggest you do the dishes if he does the laundry. Figure it out.
The worst part about feeling how you feel is that it seems like life is a terribly tangled ball of yarn that actively resists untangling. You feel overwhelmed. You see no light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t encourage either of you to be upset.
Find a way to make the untangling a mutual effort.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@OlderSometimesWiser individual is an option bc he does not and has made it very clear that he will not do couples counseling 😭
thank you
thank you
@glossyheart I say take that option of individual counseling. For many reasons not the least of which is helping you gain the strength to do what you must.
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glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@TheHammer thank u for this, i appreciate your respective
TheHammer · M
@glossyheart
You are welcome
You are welcome
th3r0n · 41-45, M
Post partum depression is common, and it's also common for men to get frustrated and angry dealing with it and the lack of sexual intimacy available right after giving birth
It often becomes a very hard time, I would say find a way to not fight if you can but it's normal to have the most trouble you ever had right after having a baby, sadly, so it might be best to hold out and not go anywhere
It often becomes a very hard time, I would say find a way to not fight if you can but it's normal to have the most trouble you ever had right after having a baby, sadly, so it might be best to hold out and not go anywhere
Northwest · M
Can you see a therapist/counselor? Just by yourself.
Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M
You both need help
Why are you fighting?
What are you fighting about?
You both need to sit down and clear the air
It’s toxic for your daughter
She can feel the bad vibes which is NOT good for her
Why are you fighting?
What are you fighting about?
You both need to sit down and clear the air
It’s toxic for your daughter
She can feel the bad vibes which is NOT good for her
JPWhoo · 36-40, M
Sorry you’re going through this. For what it’s worth, it sounds to me that staying together with him is not going to work long-term, as hard as the alternative might be.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@1490wayb obviously im not an angel but neither is he 😂