I feel like a burden

Mostly to myself. Nobody else irl is interested in knowing me outside of work, so I'm pretty much on my own most of the time. I wish I could be normal and wanted, but I'm stuck this way instead. I went from one hug a week down to no hugs in nearly 5 weeks, but I have to learn to live without that sort of thing again. Part of me wants to cut off everyone, but that will just make the isolation I already feel a whole lot worse. Another part of me wonders if we wouldn't actually have been better off dead, but it's less an active desire to die and more a curiosity I don't pay attention to.

I'm not sure anyone here is interested in hearing this stuff either, but at this stage I'm more just yelling into the void to try to get my thoughts straight/out. At least I know not to reach out to others now (again). I wish I didn't have yo keep relearning that lesson.