What if I'm mentally not okay?

Like idk, I keep wondering lately. I've been through a lot of trauma. I've never really known how to deal with anything. I just carry on so pointlessly.

I have this relationship with death where I just feel comfortable with it. I think of it a lot & I feel like it watches me, waiting. I've put myself in extremely dangerous situations so many times without a care... & in the back of my mind I know if it kills me, I'm fine with that. Because I just think "cool, at least I won't be here".

I see the world for what it is & for that I can't be happy. Happiness is just in moments, not a true state of mind. Just like everything else. It's all just moments.
Kinda like how we all only exist, for a moment.
Then we're gone.

So meh... idk. Maybe there's something wrong with me

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

SW-User

Many people feel that way specially if they didn't heal, or are going through something difficult or were.
So even the good things seem to not last.
I've felt that way and I'm in a better place now.
Hope you feel better

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User I'm glad you're in a better place 😌 I get there a little sometimes then I just fall again. It's frustrating. I've always felt this way & maybe that's why I have trouble caring about myself or finding reasons to keep moving. I just don't wanna be here 😔
I never see a point.

SW-User

@ChiefJustWalks yeah it's always ups and downs 😐

sarabi · F

Trauma changes the mind.
But the mind has neuroplasticity. And can be changed again.
It's ok to make your peace with death, it helps you focus on current life.

The world as it is

Trauma gives you a distorted view of the world.

SW-User

I'm dealing with trauma, I have complex ptsd, and for a very long time I just kept on going and also got into a lot of dangerous situations, just trying to run from my own mind and act careless. I always knew that something was wrong, I just didn't think that I deserved help or that anyone would care, kept telling myself that I was just being dramatic.. Maybe you should see a therapist about it? or talk to your doctor? It's hard to live like that

SW-User

It's ok if it's moments...being happy all the time is not realistic...so.enjoy those moments of happiness...it's better than none at all

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User I wanna be happy. But rn is one of those moments I just feel hopeless 😔 I wish I could just go to sleep & not wake up

PoeticPlay · 51-55, M

Add a comment...