tw ed (a vent ig)

ive had an ed since i was 13, but disordered habits since i was 12 (im 16 now). it's genuinely so tiring and i constantly feel like such a loser because i can never have a normal experience surrounding food or going out like others. it's embarrassing. everything i do, say or think of revolves around food, cals and numbers. it's something i cannot escape. ive tried recovery over 4 times and it doesn't go over 5 months before i have an episode and it all goes downhill again. i just wish i was normal sometimes lollll