Married but lonely

my husband and I have been together for 17 years. In the beginning he was affectionate but that changed years ago. I feel like we drifted apart when I found out I was pregnant. Over the years it looked like this: whenever l wanted affection I would have to come and ask for it: cuddle me, kiss me etc. It messes with my head. I have anxiety and I feel like he doesn't love me, doesn't find me attractive etc etc. Every once in a while I start an argument about that and he is somewhat better for a while but then he goes back to normal. He does show affection torwards our son and even our cat but I have to ask for it. I feel pathetic. I feel worthless. I'm crying my eyes out as I am writing this. I am so tired and frustrated. I sometimes dream of meeting someone new. Otherwise he is a good husband and I don't want a divorce but at the same time I am tired
Sorry if this is messy but I am a mess RN.

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AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F

All i can tell you is that from experience, i was married 22 years, got divorced, been married 14 now and i could not be happier. I always tell people God closed a door in my life and opened a window, I will not waste another moment being miserable for anybody. I know that you love him, you have the kids etc...but that's putting all of THEM first. What about YOU? You cannot live for anyone else only for yourself. So I'm telling you! Think long and hard and ask yourself am i better with or without him? I decided that i could be miserable by myself! And that i would never allow myself to be miserable together with anyone else. Because if we are both unhappy & miserable, why do i need you? And keep in mind, its a revolving door, just like he walked into your life, he can walk back out. Meaning look out for YOURSELF! don't solely rely on anyone else financially. He emptied our bank account. I will NEVER make that mistake again! I told my current husband from the jump i will have my own bank account, sure we can have one together but i work everyday and i will have my own as well! We contribute equally to it. Every week we both put $300 in it . If he's short and put $200, then i put $200, we are equals. I have my own savings account for my 2 daughters, We will be married 15 years Dec next year!