Married but lonely

my husband and I have been together for 17 years. In the beginning he was affectionate but that changed years ago. I feel like we drifted apart when I found out I was pregnant. Over the years it looked like this: whenever l wanted affection I would have to come and ask for it: cuddle me, kiss me etc. It messes with my head. I have anxiety and I feel like he doesn't love me, doesn't find me attractive etc etc. Every once in a while I start an argument about that and he is somewhat better for a while but then he goes back to normal. He does show affection torwards our son and even our cat but I have to ask for it. I feel pathetic. I feel worthless. I'm crying my eyes out as I am writing this. I am so tired and frustrated. I sometimes dream of meeting someone new. Otherwise he is a good husband and I don't want a divorce but at the same time I am tired
Sorry if this is messy but I am a mess RN.

4meAndyou · F

Not QUITE as bad as my ex just before the divorce. We were actually going to couples counseling...when he could be bothered to show up. I just wanted some token of affection, like holding my hand when we were walking together in public. He assured the counselor that OF COURSE he would try to remember to do that. And then, the moment we were outside in the parking lot, he told me, "There is NO WAY I am going to do that."