I've heard you can't run from your past, but I think I can and should.

In my case, it's not about anything fixable. It's about tremendous loss and betrayal. It's about my mistakes and failed attempts, most of which were not for lack of trying. I am home. In the house I grew up in and all the memories. I'm in my hometown which became completely gentrified in the last 20 years. I work the same exact job that I did when I was 19. This is after college and working hard since I was 12. I have held myself accountable and dug into my depths but I am fucking miserable. I can't do this anymore. I truly tried and now I want to run away. I know places, I've been around, I know what I'm capable of when I'm not being squashed. My past is crushing me. I want to let it go but I can't do that here. I don't know why. I just know I want my child to have a stable mother. And I want to feel a genuine smile on my face again.

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

Don't think of it as running from the past but moving to a better place and better future. You can't change the past but you can influence the future.

Good luck!

Blondily · F

You've remembered about your past too much. Let it go and think of the good things, (your son, stable homelife, your son's milestones), everytime your mind goes back. It works.

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Blondily · F

@MarbleMarvel Where would you like to move to? Have you looked for a job somewhere else?

MarbleMarvel

@Blondily still trying to move to Tuscon. There's lots of jobs in my field there. Good schools. Fresh food. Art. Culture. I'm struggling to leave home, but it doesn't feel like home anymore... It's confusing me so much.

Blondily · F

@MarbleMarvel It sounds like a good plan tho. I hope it all works out for you and your son and happy days again.🤗

Notsimilarreally · 31-35, F

It's crazy how intense our energetic ties to physical places are. Being at my parents house recently really messed me up. I would not be able to thrive there by any means today. I hope that you are able to find a new home and feel a little lighter in it.

MarbleMarvel

@Notsimilarreally 💯 it just doesn't fit anymore.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

I’d find it incredibly difficult and soul crushing trying to move on from my past whilst living in the middle of it.

The prison door is unlocked. Open it, step out and be free. ❤

MarbleMarvel

@OlderSometimesWiser it's becoming dire. Part of me would love to stay but I'd always be remembering how it used to be because I hate it here now.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@MarbleMarvel I can feel how torn you are but I can’t help seeing what a wonderful, vibrant, life affirming world there is for you and your son to experience if you’re able to take that leap of faith. Perfect, of course not, nothing is. But filled with hope and room to dream.

Tumbleweed · F

Oh, sweetheart, let it go. The more you look at your past, the further behind you're going to get.
You're better & stronger than this. Believe in yourself, even when you think no one else does.
You are loved. Remember that.

sstronaut

You can always try to change your future

MarbleMarvel

@sstronaut that's what I want to do. And I know I can.

greensnacks · 31-35, F

It's human nature to migrate, so no pressure.

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