I've heard you can't run from your past, but I think I can and should.

In my case, it's not about anything fixable. It's about tremendous loss and betrayal. It's about my mistakes and failed attempts, most of which were not for lack of trying. I am home. In the house I grew up in and all the memories. I'm in my hometown which became completely gentrified in the last 20 years. I work the same exact job that I did when I was 19. This is after college and working hard since I was 12. I have held myself accountable and dug into my depths but I am fucking miserable. I can't do this anymore. I truly tried and now I want to run away. I know places, I've been around, I know what I'm capable of when I'm not being squashed. My past is crushing me. I want to let it go but I can't do that here. I don't know why. I just know I want my child to have a stable mother. And I want to feel a genuine smile on my face again.

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Blondily · F

You've remembered about your past too much. Let it go and think of the good things, (your son, stable homelife, your son's milestones), everytime your mind goes back. It works.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Blondily I'm not stable though. There's zero opportunity here to provide stability. There's no jobs, schools are overcrowded, can't get healthcare. I will rot if I stay.

Blondily · F

@ScreamingFox Where would you like to move to? Have you looked for a job somewhere else?

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Blondily still trying to move to Tuscon. There's lots of jobs in my field there. Good schools. Fresh food. Art. Culture. I'm struggling to leave home, but it doesn't feel like home anymore... It's confusing me so much.

Blondily · F

@ScreamingFox It sounds like a good plan tho. I hope it all works out for you and your son and happy days again.🤗