I've heard you can't run from your past, but I think I can and should.

In my case, it's not about anything fixable. It's about tremendous loss and betrayal. It's about my mistakes and failed attempts, most of which were not for lack of trying. I am home. In the house I grew up in and all the memories. I'm in my hometown which became completely gentrified in the last 20 years. I work the same exact job that I did when I was 19. This is after college and working hard since I was 12. I have held myself accountable and dug into my depths but I am fucking miserable. I can't do this anymore. I truly tried and now I want to run away. I know places, I've been around, I know what I'm capable of when I'm not being squashed. My past is crushing me. I want to let it go but I can't do that here. I don't know why. I just know I want my child to have a stable mother. And I want to feel a genuine smile on my face again.