Being alone in my family

I just can not decide if my mom is actually loving us or just want us to be happy so she wouldnt be failed as a mother. I feel like thats the reason bc she step on our boundry ever since we were a kid. Its always how she wants our life to go and when we do not want it, its fight mode(verbal abuse with calling us stupid and whatever). Now that i am older, i can not believe the motive of calling a kid stupid every single day. Insulting your own kid infront of other adults. Who the fuck does this, thats literally your own kid. The thing is now i am grown, and away from home. She doesnt do this shit anymore but she is still somehow restricting very slightly and this disturbes the hell out of me. I dont like it and i am crying bc for once i wanna feel the confidence that having a family having your back when you fail. All i want is this from life. My family made us so scared for life and i hate living this way. I need change in my life.

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Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

I’m sure she loves you but has no idea how to treat you with kindness and respect

ViciDraco · 36-40, M

Sometimes it is a combination, honestly. She likely thinks that she is doing you a favor by guiding you away from mistakes, but she also likely believes that what you do reflects upon her.

I feel like we're struggling as a society with having patience and understanding for the failures and faults of others. When that gets reflected to your kids, you are taking one of the primary areas where they would otherwise get support and refuge from that.

Pieceofcake · 22-25, F

@ViciDraco yeah i think so too. She is not aware what she wants is selfish bc she wants it for my own good. Not everyone should have kids, society also has to work on not pressuring people and making having kids a way to get more respect instantly. That way people wouldnt use being a father and a mother to get more respect from others.

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Pieceofcake · 22-25, F

@SW-User I wasnt expecting a reply. Thanks a lot for writing. It feels good to have someone understand me. You know, i just want a family, a family that loves me for who i am not for who i can become. This is what i have been chasing all this time and a friend gave me this advice that i decided to keep: If they dont understand you, stop replying to them in a regular conversation. Treat them like they are someone you just starting to get to know. Dont disaggree with them. This advice opened my eyes bc i feel more and more hurt when i tell them i disaggree and i explain and get nothing in return. This makes me expect somethings and i left feeling hurt.
I am now realizing that i have more trauma than i thought, society doesnt count this as trauma so i was today years old when i realized i really have mommy issues. I will strat therapy this summer(need to earn some to start) Again, thanks for reading and i hope i made you feel less alone too.

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