Being alone in my family

I just can not decide if my mom is actually loving us or just want us to be happy so she wouldnt be failed as a mother. I feel like thats the reason bc she step on our boundry ever since we were a kid. Its always how she wants our life to go and when we do not want it, its fight mode(verbal abuse with calling us stupid and whatever). Now that i am older, i can not believe the motive of calling a kid stupid every single day. Insulting your own kid infront of other adults. Who the fuck does this, thats literally your own kid. The thing is now i am grown, and away from home. She doesnt do this shit anymore but she is still somehow restricting very slightly and this disturbes the hell out of me. I dont like it and i am crying bc for once i wanna feel the confidence that having a family having your back when you fail. All i want is this from life. My family made us so scared for life and i hate living this way. I need change in my life.