FRIENDSHIP

Hi
Over five years ago, I had this friend of mine and she was the best thing I could ever have, I could vent to her and she didn't judge me but one day we had this huge argument over things we were venting to one another and ended up insulting and putting each other down.
She is someone whom I did anything for if she needed me but when I needed her she always came up with excuses.
To cut the story short, she and I are no longer friends and ever since then I can't seem to have friends in my life, the friends I do have, I can't vent to or fully show my emotions coz I'm afraid their gonna judge me.
How do I overcome this and be more genuine towards new people in my life?

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Busybee333 · 31-35, F

If it is only about venting to someone, do it here on SW or see a professional therapist to help you heal and think clearly. If it is her, the person, the time you have spent, find her. Talk to her. Or write to her exactly how you feel. I don't know your friend, but chances are, she might be wondering how you have been or missing you too (you never know) . It may be late, though a heartfelt and sincere apology, an attempt of reconciliation, could potentially spark a revival of your friendship (or at least part of it). Try it, what do you have to lose?

MANANDOS · 22-25

@Busybee333 Thank you for such good advise, I've tried to reconcile with her but it feels like I was the only one making an effort to build our friendship again. I want to get over her coz of that.
Even if we do reconcile, it won't be like before, we won't trust each other like we used to.

Adwoa · 22-25, F

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I think you already started quiet well by opening yourself up online here on this platform. I believe friends come n go and I can relate to the not being able to open to everyone. Also what makes you think your other friends will judge you ? Like have you tried opening up and got rejected? Or the fear of getting close to someone new and then it turning out bad like it did with your ex best friend is what is paralyzing you?

MANANDOS · 22-25

@Adwoa yes, it kinda traumatised me, the fact that you can tell someone your secrets or what you've been throught and they judge you, even when they apologise for judging you it doesn't feel like an apology but rather " I'm sorry but I'm not wrong kinda apology".
I will try to get close to people but I'm not really sure if it's gonna be a success.

Adwoa · 22-25, F

@MANANDOS well in that case you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people. It isn’t you because you actually value true intimacy in relationships and alot of ppl don’t that’s why you view it as judging because most of them are projecting their own unaddressed wounds ontobyou as either they are not use to being in touch with their feelings or afraid of facing themselves therefore resisting your need to be understood and heard. One way to cope is to journal if you feel you don’t have anyone or possibly family if you’re close ? If not I think it’s best to go to events or places where you know the type of ppl you want to be around will be.

I also think it’s important to not give your whole self away immediately as it can be tempting to do when you just want to vent. Like take time to get to know the person n you can therefore see by their character if they have the level of depth in which you desire for friendships. Time will tell but also your young most ppl r also lost n confused and trying to figure it out

MANANDOS · 22-25

@Adwoa Thank you so so much for saying this😊😊

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

I have a story. I had friends betray me and it was so scary to trust new friends. I kept seeing new friends but it never lasted. Despite this I kept welcoming new people.

One day I ended up in an online war game where I joined an alliance of other gamers. I was terrified to open up. But I did. I chose one person to open up to and went from there and turns out we all had the same fear of being judged. We all had been betrayed by people we loved and so we all connected great.

Almost everyone of us left the game because we rather just hang out and chat. The game was only fun because we had eachother there but now we can just chat eachother up outside the game.

The moral of this story is. Keep going. Don't let a few mismatches stop you. Keep going.

Xaoisverygay · 13-15, T

Something similar has happened to me. It may help to have online friends so if they judge you you never have to see them again. I hope this helps if it doesn’t I’m sorry.

TxOutlawTyler · M

Talk to them get to know them and see what y’all have in common

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