FRIENDSHIP

Hi
Over five years ago, I had this friend of mine and she was the best thing I could ever have, I could vent to her and she didn't judge me but one day we had this huge argument over things we were venting to one another and ended up insulting and putting each other down.
She is someone whom I did anything for if she needed me but when I needed her she always came up with excuses.
To cut the story short, she and I are no longer friends and ever since then I can't seem to have friends in my life, the friends I do have, I can't vent to or fully show my emotions coz I'm afraid their gonna judge me.
How do I overcome this and be more genuine towards new people in my life?

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Adwoa · 22-25, F

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I think you already started quiet well by opening yourself up online here on this platform. I believe friends come n go and I can relate to the not being able to open to everyone. Also what makes you think your other friends will judge you ? Like have you tried opening up and got rejected? Or the fear of getting close to someone new and then it turning out bad like it did with your ex best friend is what is paralyzing you?

MANANDOS · 22-25

@Adwoa yes, it kinda traumatised me, the fact that you can tell someone your secrets or what you've been throught and they judge you, even when they apologise for judging you it doesn't feel like an apology but rather " I'm sorry but I'm not wrong kinda apology".
I will try to get close to people but I'm not really sure if it's gonna be a success.

Adwoa · 22-25, F

@MANANDOS well in that case you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people. It isn’t you because you actually value true intimacy in relationships and alot of ppl don’t that’s why you view it as judging because most of them are projecting their own unaddressed wounds ontobyou as either they are not use to being in touch with their feelings or afraid of facing themselves therefore resisting your need to be understood and heard. One way to cope is to journal if you feel you don’t have anyone or possibly family if you’re close ? If not I think it’s best to go to events or places where you know the type of ppl you want to be around will be.

I also think it’s important to not give your whole self away immediately as it can be tempting to do when you just want to vent. Like take time to get to know the person n you can therefore see by their character if they have the level of depth in which you desire for friendships. Time will tell but also your young most ppl r also lost n confused and trying to figure it out

MANANDOS · 22-25

@Adwoa Thank you so so much for saying this😊😊