Battle of The mind

so firstly I want to say hi, secondly I'm 17, female and here to vent. I really really want to find peace and be happy, my thoughts are emotionally bullying me and its all because of being easily influenced, Its hard for me to focus on my life without thinking about what others are doing. I'm at a point where I'm in a battle with myself an emotional battle. I seek for attention from males, I did something with my male friend of which I'm not proud of I only did it because I have a crush on him, I was depressed and came out of a short period relationship I couldnt deal with.

I seek attention and cover whats inside. I really want to speak whats on my mind and find it very hard to do so because I'm afraid of being judged. I mostly cry my pain out. This year I'm motivated to go to church but still find it hard to talk to someone its very hard. I have alot on my Mind and I only want to speak to someone so that I can feel and see that they are listening to me.

its hard doing so to my mom and grandmother because they wont listen to all I have to say, somethings are school related and some are personal, I now found a place to vent but the question is can I trust here and have someone to listen to me?