I don't wanna live anymore

That's was me when i was your age. No friend, used to get bullied for my background and everything i do. I used to think i was the problem. I used to come home and used to cry. I had problems with my anxiety, with my classmates, with my family. I used to fell heavy on my chest, like someone put a rock on my chest. I trusted people and it backfire. I was nice and it backfireed me. After sometimes i stopped crying. I never shared my problems to my loved one cause when i did i felt like a clown. I was failing my class. My spirit was lost. I didn't felt sad, bad or angry. I went silent. My dad called me psychopath. Thinking I'll feel guilty and change. The thing that killed me the most that how good i was at pretending to be okay. The way my dad use to mock me made me act like i was okay. NAD DAMM i was soo good at it. It made me scared that what if i did something stupid. What if i come in danger. Would there will be no one? Would still people won't notice? That means I'm ACTUALLY alone? Will no one stop me? That made me realised that only I could help myself. That my problems can be solved by me only. Cause of i don't no one will notice until it's too late. And that honestly didn't want that. I wanted to be my old self. And that's how i got out. Now 2nd year in, I'm having good grades and my relationship with my parents is much better. It makes me sad. That when i was failing why didn't they comforted me and asked me about the change in my behaviour. Istg if i didn't realiseed that I was alone, i would've been still there.
It makes me sad that they are happy only when i started to have good grades. Honestly many people will be like that. If you want to live, only you can make changes.
Maybe you feel the same. Maybe you also feel that your locked inside your own thoughts. Maybe you wanna change but don't know how. You probably don't have hope.
But only you can change that. Whatever you do. ONLY you can change. I'm sorry. It will be very hard. But you have to make a choise. This is a good place to vent. Please keep us updated. Any worry I'll try my best to help you out. Your not alone. At this age many feels like this. Teenage is VERY hard. But this is the time to learn. Life is never going to be easy. It forever will be hard. And it's is supposed to be like that. I don't have confidence that my words will help you or anyone. But i hope it does<3

I can't really give advice.. But I can share experiences?

I'm a 12 year old trans kid, seems like you need a coping mechanism. I can't recomend you watching shows or reading books that get you too hooked on them and suddenly your starting to fall in love with that characters and makes you feel more sad and lonely. Because that's what happened to me, I made a choice I can't go back on. I can still warn you about this and you don't wanna make me go in explicit detail. I just know you need some support and validation, so


I love you

I know things aren't getting easier, they never will. But look at you now, you made it here right? Who knows how much farther you'll go.

You're 11? Enjoy your life. Don't feel burdened. Right now your supposed to be running and playing around. Don't think too much about how people think about you. It's not about them, it's about you. Life feels ugly when you're with the wrong people but it gets better when you learn to enjoy it on your own even when you're 11

Anyone at any age can be depressed. Even if only a small minority of the general population of your age is depressed, that doesn't mean you can't be in that small minority. And those statistics aren't even fully valid because not all people w depression get diagnosed.