I feel hated and used

I think everyone dislikes me or that maybe I give off bad vibes. I don’t talk much but I do try to socialise and help if people needed them. I feel like I’m a used garbage. After people used me, I get thrown away. I feel used at home, college and even my workplace. There’s no safe place for me to cry quietly except in the bathroom.

My emotions kept piling up until my hand is shaky so I stop my work for a bit and search for website that I can vent to. I don’t tell anyone about my emotions except for my boyfriend. He is kind and understanding but he also have a lot on his plate. Not everything is about me so I want to listen to him too so I came here to vent and let it out.

Sometimes people went home and only I’m the only one who stay to clean up and get left behind. Sometimes I get shout at just because I’m an easier target. Sometimes people cut me off because I’m boring and don’t know how to have fun. I don’t have social anxiety since I can talk to anyone, I just don’t like crowded space or walking in groups but that makes me look like a loner.

If I feel sad or angry, I just take a nap that’s my routine. If I still feel upset after taking a nap, I will tell my boyfriend what’s on my mind. But this week I didn’t tell him what happen so he won’t be worried about me. I’m so tired, even after I wake up I still feel tired. I should go take another nap after I finish my work. Thank you to those who are reading this.

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Gusman · 61-69, M

Ask your doctor for antidepressants. They slow the mind down and give you a rest from fighting with yourself.
They allow you to sleep which is sorely needed.
Venting online exposes you to negative people who want to bring you down. As the previous poster shows.
Still come here to vent, just block all the negative commenters.
When I was really down I would write it down. Not think about what to write, just pick up a pen and write what ever comes out.
Do not read what you write because that will put it back in your mind.

Ardel · 18-21

@Gusman Thank you kind stranger, it’s okay I had it worst before and getting curse at make me feel numb. And you’re right about venting online but thankfully there are rare people like you. I’ll think about the anti depressants since I try to hide it from my family. My big sister is on meds so I don’t want to be a burden to my parents.

Gusman · 61-69, M

@Ardel There comes a time when you got to think about yourself. Your mental health is paramount.
Your parents are there to help you and to guide you through life. By suppressing your emotions you are delaying the inevitable breakdown. It might take 10 - 20 - 30 years, but it will happen.
In the meantime, you will live your life feeling sad and isolated for years.
Do you really want that?
You came here to express your grief and hopefully find some positive advice.
All I can say is when positive advice is offered, do something with it.
The only way to change is to actually change.
Not doing anything can be fraught with pain.
See your doctor, at least tell your mother.
Her maternal instinct will come to the fore and she will offer you the support and guidance you require.

Ardel · 18-21

@Gusman True, I don’t wanna feel sad until I’m old and feel regret. Well your comment did make me cry right now but I do feel a lot better. Glad to know you Gusman, I’ll make sure to tell my mom when I meet her.

Gusman · 61-69, M

@Ardel Try writing when you are at your saddest.
Writing gets it out of your head, stopping it from going around and around.
I wish you well for the future

Ardel · 18-21

@Gusman I downloaded a diary so I can type if i feel down. Have an awesome day and thank youu