I want to kill myself

ever since i was young i was suicidal, nothing ever changed, my mom knew about it but never took me seriously, i tried committing multible times, last one was almost successful, i was in the hospital for the few days, she still didn't take me seriously, she never even called me when i was there, it was just my dad with me. I was told to say it was an accident and that i wasn't suicidal so I won’t to be sent to a mental hospital. I lash out on everyone around me, i scream and break things daily. I get into physical fights with my mom every single day, i was kicked out multiple times, i get so angry and i just can’t control myself. Im just so sick of it and i don’t think i can go any longer. Im seeing things that aren't there, i constantly hear someone whispering my name, when i try and sleep all i hear is this brutal yelling of my name, i cant control myself and i have no strength or will left to live, i don't know what to do with myself. I get so happy all of a sudden and do shit I shouldn’t and i think im all good and a few weeks later im fucking worse than i ever was before and its just a never ending cycle.

Fushi · 22-25, F

I feel you. Why do elders ignore our problems and be saying "oh, kid that's just a small problem, when i was young--"
Why do they feel they know everything and anything about the world and think our problems are just childish problems they choose to ignore instead of listening to it. They experienced being young, they SHOULD understand but they choose to be the right and big one.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Fushi Elders? Makes me feel as old as the hills. Your problems seem insurmountable, but it may be because we have been through struggles at your ages and we survived. We have faith most of you will too. We grow more wise with life and life experiences. You shall too. Maybe we get tired of hearing so many people your ages complain about your problems; do nothing about them; and fail to take any good advice. I think at some point each one of us has felt suicidal or like the world was ending for us. I especially value life because my one career was in healthcare. I know that many who have died would have given anything to breathe again, to live again, to grow older. I hope you find some value in my words. At your age, I had problems too and they seemed pretty large. I knew I would make it through them because I believed in myself. I see many in their twenties who believe in nothing at all. That is sad.

Fushi · 22-25, F

@PoetryNEmotion oops sorry about the "Elders"
What i mean is some 'older peeps' think they've Crossed the mount Everest just because of the experiences and problem they went through and survived
but some people can't handle problems like how y'all handle it, so we ask advice and help to 'older peeps' like you but somehow other peeops like you choose to ignore and think it's just a childish problem.