I want to kill myself

ever since i was young i was suicidal, nothing ever changed, my mom knew about it but never took me seriously, i tried committing multible times, last one was almost successful, i was in the hospital for the few days, she still didn't take me seriously, she never even called me when i was there, it was just my dad with me. I was told to say it was an accident and that i wasn't suicidal so I won’t to be sent to a mental hospital. I lash out on everyone around me, i scream and break things daily. I get into physical fights with my mom every single day, i was kicked out multiple times, i get so angry and i just can’t control myself. Im just so sick of it and i don’t think i can go any longer. Im seeing things that aren't there, i constantly hear someone whispering my name, when i try and sleep all i hear is this brutal yelling of my name, i cant control myself and i have no strength or will left to live, i don't know what to do with myself. I get so happy all of a sudden and do shit I shouldn’t and i think im all good and a few weeks later im fucking worse than i ever was before and its just a never ending cycle.