My Lovely Husband
You should have been "just another client" It felt wrong, I broke a professional boundary accepting our first date but it was the best decision I ever made. The chemistry was just natural and you made me fizz inside. Conversation was so easy, you made me laugh so much and we talked about everything from aliens to how the Egyptian pyramids were built.
It wasn't just me that wanted to be around you, everyone knew you, you had such an easygoing, fun and cheerful nature and you were the life and soul of every party or crazy night out. And then there was that terrible dry wit that you inflicted on everyone. It was hard to know when you were joking and when you were serious sometimes. Nobody was exempt. It used to drive me crazy but I quickly learned to match you and give as good as I got.
Your kink was just as spicy as your humour and you loved to find new ways to bait me and test my boundaries. You were gentle with it, but slowly you pulled me into your world. It was a bit scary at times but you made me want to do it all for you so, the more I gave, the more you expected. It was so exciting and addictive. Our play was intense but you always made me feel so special, safe and protected. I loved that so much about you. You did everything the proper way, even asking my dad if you could marry me. You proposed in the bluebell woods "I'm only going to be on one knee in front of you once" you said but I knew you'd do anything for me.
It seemed that no matter what life's challenges could throw, everything would be ok as long as we had each other. We went through a lot. Your dad being so sick, loosing your mum and then trying for a baby. The miscarriages took a piece of both our hearts every time. I wanted so much to be a mum and you hated to see me so heartbroken but you always said there was a reason for everything. You were right. Naturally conceived children were not God's plan for us and even though it wasn't a smooth road, we were meant for foster care and adoption.
You were such a great dad. You embraced the nappy changes and the night time feeds and you worked a full time job supporting all of us too. Even though you were 21 years older than me and you'd done it all before, you were never too tired for repairing that puncture, playing football with them or helping with maths homework. Raising the kids was hard, there were endless hospital and therapy appointments and you read every book about attachment, trauma and autism. It took it's toll on both of us. The children showed us every day the pain they were in because of what they had been through and their behaviour was beyond challenging at times but you were a constant support and reassurance to me. Together we learned to parent differently. We watched them healing as they grew to feel safer and more secure with us. It was the best thing. I can see your legacy in our boys every day. They make me feel so proud.
You were the best husband any woman could have ever wished for. Because of your love, you gave me the confidence to face anything, you held me accountable when I messed up and you pushed me to be the best version of me. My life was better because you were in it. I don't know why God took you, it seems so ill-timed. I thought we'd have another 30+ years together and I feel like you had so much more to give and that the children needed you too. I can feel angry about it, you know that, and I can wallow in self pity sometimes too, but I know what you'd say about that so I will try not to and just accept it was God's plan. I miss you every day.
Until we meet again my love, I will keep trying. I love you xx
It wasn't just me that wanted to be around you, everyone knew you, you had such an easygoing, fun and cheerful nature and you were the life and soul of every party or crazy night out. And then there was that terrible dry wit that you inflicted on everyone. It was hard to know when you were joking and when you were serious sometimes. Nobody was exempt. It used to drive me crazy but I quickly learned to match you and give as good as I got.
Your kink was just as spicy as your humour and you loved to find new ways to bait me and test my boundaries. You were gentle with it, but slowly you pulled me into your world. It was a bit scary at times but you made me want to do it all for you so, the more I gave, the more you expected. It was so exciting and addictive. Our play was intense but you always made me feel so special, safe and protected. I loved that so much about you. You did everything the proper way, even asking my dad if you could marry me. You proposed in the bluebell woods "I'm only going to be on one knee in front of you once" you said but I knew you'd do anything for me.
It seemed that no matter what life's challenges could throw, everything would be ok as long as we had each other. We went through a lot. Your dad being so sick, loosing your mum and then trying for a baby. The miscarriages took a piece of both our hearts every time. I wanted so much to be a mum and you hated to see me so heartbroken but you always said there was a reason for everything. You were right. Naturally conceived children were not God's plan for us and even though it wasn't a smooth road, we were meant for foster care and adoption.
You were such a great dad. You embraced the nappy changes and the night time feeds and you worked a full time job supporting all of us too. Even though you were 21 years older than me and you'd done it all before, you were never too tired for repairing that puncture, playing football with them or helping with maths homework. Raising the kids was hard, there were endless hospital and therapy appointments and you read every book about attachment, trauma and autism. It took it's toll on both of us. The children showed us every day the pain they were in because of what they had been through and their behaviour was beyond challenging at times but you were a constant support and reassurance to me. Together we learned to parent differently. We watched them healing as they grew to feel safer and more secure with us. It was the best thing. I can see your legacy in our boys every day. They make me feel so proud.
You were the best husband any woman could have ever wished for. Because of your love, you gave me the confidence to face anything, you held me accountable when I messed up and you pushed me to be the best version of me. My life was better because you were in it. I don't know why God took you, it seems so ill-timed. I thought we'd have another 30+ years together and I feel like you had so much more to give and that the children needed you too. I can feel angry about it, you know that, and I can wallow in self pity sometimes too, but I know what you'd say about that so I will try not to and just accept it was God's plan. I miss you every day.
Until we meet again my love, I will keep trying. I love you xx
46-50, F
