I just lost my wife

It's been a week. That's all. I'm lost.

She had seizures. A bunch of them. Back to back. They had to sedate her to make them stop. She was under for a week before the seizures finally stopped. And they did stop. She beat them. She'd made it 24 hours without any abnormal brain activity and they were going to wake her up. But before they could do so, her heart stopped. They couldn't get it started again. I don't think she wanted to let them get it started again. I think she was tired. She wasn't even 60 years old yet and there was a lot of life left. But she'd been fighting epilepsy for so long and each time these cluster seizures came, they were worse than before and harder to stop. I think she just wanted to go home.

We'd been together for ten years. All that time, we lived in apartments. I'd been promising her a house and we finally got one. And now she's left me alone in it.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be alone. I was alone most of my life but she came and changed everything. Now I don't remember how to do the solo act.

We didn't have any children together, but I have two of my own. Grown, but still too young to lose their father. Otherwise, I'd have already ditched this world and gone to be with her.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things she won't get to do and for all the things that I'll have to do alone. I'm sorry I'm still alive. I'm sorry I feel this way.

I don't know how to do this.