I Am Mourning a Death

A little after 4 am yesterday I witnessed the death of my father. He was frail and struggling to breathe, but he was as comfortable as possible and he was at home which is here he wanted to be. My Mother and my brother were also here but were both asleep at the time it happened (they both needed it because they had both been through a long day and night). I was awake and watching him even though he didn't know I was there. I spent all day yesterday dealing with things necessary to take care of his removal and help my mother through it. Today I have to go with her to the funeral home to privately pay our last respects. Tomorrow we meet with the public and have his actual funeral.....Then it really starts because my brother and I have to figure out what to do with mom. She has dementia that continues to worsen and she is getting more and more forgetful in doing things that she needs to do to care for herself. She fights us all the way on it because she doesn't think there is anything wrong. then there is problems with their property, finances, etc. The next several months are not going to be easy, but I'll just have to take it one day and one step at a time.

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4meAndyou · F

I am very sorry for your loss. I went through that with my father, and mother.

Your mother would probably be okay for a while with a companion, someone from Visiting Angels or Home instead. You can tell her a little fib, like, they are just there to help with the housework, or to help with her Christmas cards.

My mother suffered from dementia. What you want to do for your Mom right now is get her an Ipod with recordings of all her favorite music from when she was a child and a teenager. It's good to make that now while she still remembers the music she enjoyed. As the disease progresses, the part of the brain that remembers music is the last to go.

You must have yourself or a family member declared her power of attorney, and you will have to arrange for all of her bills to be mailed or emailed directly to you, because she will throw them away. You will have to mail copies of her POA to all her creditors and to her bank, and to everyone involved, including her insurance companies. You will have to arrange with her doctor to have her sign a living will, so that if anything should happen you can handle it.

When she becomes very, very forgetful, you can still talk to her about her distant past. She will remember everything about her childhood. If she has old photo albums, you can always bring out photos of her, and her family members when she was quite young, and she will be able to reminisce about them.

Don't leave the photo albums with her, or anything important, such as phone numbers that can't be retrieved, addresses that can't be retrieved or important documents and records.

Peaches · F

@4meAndyou That's a good idea about the music, 💓🎼I'm passing this on to my friends. Thank you for sharing.🍀