Accepting defeat.

I finally made my mind up to end it. Half of my life has been spent trying to fix what was never right to begin with. I can’t stand the thought of looking back another five, ten, twenty years from now, wishing I had been strong enough to do what should have been done years ago. I know my life is going to be harder in some ways, but I also know that I can’t keep hoping he will change, be better. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. They deserved better their entire young lives, but foolishly I believed keeping our family together was the right thing to do. Now they are young adults, and I see the pain they carry deep within themselves, despite the amazing, resilient individuals they have grown into. I truly wish with all of my heart that he will find whatever it is he is missing. I hope he is able to repair the brokenness between him and his children before it is too late, if it isn’t already. It hurts so deeply to know that sometimes loving someone is not enough. That sometimes you are not enough.