I talked about a extremely painful part of my life, and I triggered my trauma

I am sorry for your anxiety.
I have anxiety myself and know how hard it is to navigate life with that always in the background.
I don't really feel much solitude or comfort in being alone, but maybe that's because I'm older and I just lost my husband two months ago.
If you're open to therapy it might help?
I've had people my whole life tell me not to be shy which is ridiculous to me because it's not something you can turn on and off.
I'm very comfortable here and I believe that is because there is no eye contact and it's easier to be myself without it.
I can think as I write,as well, which doesn't happen with oral communication in real time.
Since I am somewhat of a low talker people get frustrated in real life that they can't hear me: I do pick up on that which makes it even harder for me to communicate, here there's none of that so it's easy just to say what I wish.

Honestly I can relate to a lot if not all of what you said. The good thing is if you are going to therapy you are doing what is necessary yes it's hard, yes it's sucks , but in the long run you will come out of the battle feeling better. It might take years, but the alternative is much worse.

I relate SO hard. I'm in therapy but I still fear it'll never really help get me out of the safe and completely isolated space I've created.

Damn, I feel like we're the same person. I also tend to disassociate in stressful situations...I think we tend to revert to the state wherever we felt the most safe