RubySoo · 56-60, F
@Jimbo7 its just we are the only family local. One sister near London. One in the US. Its tricky coz sister in London has POA ( mums natural daughter) mum wouldnt agree to hubs doing it too. We get all the sh1t coz its just us here. Yet.. we cant do anything to change things. It all has to go through her daughter. It jyst complicates everything... and of course.... mum lies about everything....we know sue cant help it be we are often in a situation people believe her over us.....like, ' yes, i ate all my meal and had fruit after' when sge hasnt eaten for days and telling her daughters 'yes, i've been up all day, ' when we know she hasnt got out if bed.
But.....we seemingly make up all these stories.....
But.....we seemingly make up all these stories.....
4meAndyou · F
You are going through one of the most difficult experiences of your life right now. Imagine how your husband feels, because this is HIS Mum whose mind has gone.
When I went through it with my mother, I didn't understand what was happening to her, and later I took a job working with Alzheimer's patients, after a great deal of training.
My mother was actually quite cruel in the midst of her dementia. She would say things to deliberately wound. If I took her out to eat, and got her a second plate of food at the buffet, she would deliberately smear my clothes with gravy when I deposited her plate.
This emotional anger is one of the few things Alzheimer's patients have in common. Most of their other feelings have been erased along with their destroyed brain cells, but anger remains.
One thing you CAN do to smooth out your time with your MIL is to make up a playlist of music that was popular when she was about 16 years old, and put the music onto an IPOD and give it to her. Patients who are basically vegetables and are in bed all the time, listen to music and trying to move to the music in their beds. The part of the brain which loves and appreciates and remembers music is among the last to be destroyed.
Your weekend carer did a sh!t job, that's for sure. She probably couldn't wait to get out of there, and didn't mind putting her job onto both of you.
When I went through it with my mother, I didn't understand what was happening to her, and later I took a job working with Alzheimer's patients, after a great deal of training.
My mother was actually quite cruel in the midst of her dementia. She would say things to deliberately wound. If I took her out to eat, and got her a second plate of food at the buffet, she would deliberately smear my clothes with gravy when I deposited her plate.
This emotional anger is one of the few things Alzheimer's patients have in common. Most of their other feelings have been erased along with their destroyed brain cells, but anger remains.
One thing you CAN do to smooth out your time with your MIL is to make up a playlist of music that was popular when she was about 16 years old, and put the music onto an IPOD and give it to her. Patients who are basically vegetables and are in bed all the time, listen to music and trying to move to the music in their beds. The part of the brain which loves and appreciates and remembers music is among the last to be destroyed.
Your weekend carer did a sh!t job, that's for sure. She probably couldn't wait to get out of there, and didn't mind putting her job onto both of you.
View 1 more replies »
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
smiler2012 · 61-69
[@rubysoo ] that was rather bad on the carers part they obviously know your mums medical condition and how erratic she can be . who supply the carers social services as they need informing as that was unacceptable on the carers part
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@smiler2012 we are forever phoning the office to 'point out' hic ups. One girl last week refused to help straighten mum in her recliner. Sge saud she had a bad back....but we clearly couldnt leave her like that till tge next lot of carers came in 4 hrs. Hubs had to help her, but struggled himself. Theres a lot not right about the systemn. Hubs will go back this evening because the bins need going out... and guess what...they keep forgetting. Only if its not it wont get collected and its human waste....
smiler2012 · 61-69
@RubySoo 🤔that also needs sorting as if it soiled it will start too smell
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@meggie its not our call. She is deemed to have 'capacity' to make her own decisions. The family were not even consulted about her care leaving hospital. She wanted to go home to her own home...so thats what happened. Hubs goes every day and i go at least 3 times a week. They are supposed to leave us notes regaurding shopping...they dont. They are paid extra to clean....yet we are still having to do it.
Mum does notcwant to go into a home. She wont hear of it. We have tried to talk about it with her.... just discussing options and she says we want to put her in a home so we can sell her house and pinch her money. Of course, she doesnt understand if we were after her money....the last thing we'd want is for her to go into a home... as all her money from the sale of her house would go very quickly on her care!!
Mum does notcwant to go into a home. She wont hear of it. We have tried to talk about it with her.... just discussing options and she says we want to put her in a home so we can sell her house and pinch her money. Of course, she doesnt understand if we were after her money....the last thing we'd want is for her to go into a home... as all her money from the sale of her house would go very quickly on her care!!
JamesBugman · 56-60, T
Maybe get her started on pot, might calm her down some.
YMITheWayIM · 46-50, M
Aameen 🕯
saragoodtimes · F
🙏🙏🙏🙏's