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Todays visit to Mum.

As some of you may know, my MIL has dementia ( sges in total denial of that fact) and due to circulation problems, she had a leg amutated in September. We arrived today. She is living in her own home with carers calling 4 times a day. At weekends, when we call, there is often a carer theremakibg her lunch or getting her up. Some are lovely and good at their jobs, others, not so.
When we arrived at lunchtime today, the carer was with mum in her bedroom. Hubs and I did some household jobs. Mum called hubs for help. The carer asked him to get mum on to the stand to get her out of bed. We are not trained to use the equipment, plus he has back issues and....its the carers job to get mum up and changed. She did so without help and mum had a moan how unhelpful hubs had been.
The carer came into the kitchen to put the bedding in the washing machine...but....it wouldnt come on. Hubs had to take it out of its space to check the plug.....turned it off and on and it came back on! As we were in the process of putting back in its space, the carer wheeled mum passed the kitchen door and she screamed at us....'what the hell are you doing!' So i explained the machine wouldnt come on so hubs was trying to find the problem. She them said, 'well you must have broken it...it was fine yesterday' then went on to say to the carer the we stealing it....that we are always taking her stuff!!
The carer offered to make mum lunch and she said she didnt want anything, so the carer left without even giving mum a drink.
I asked before we left if she'd like anything abd she said, 'im fine... i've got plenty in the fridge'....totally ignoring the fact she can't get to the fridge! She let me make her a hot choc, and reminded her it would be 5 hrs before the xarer came back. She insisted she didnt need anything else.
10 mins after we left...hubs phone goes.....'you didnt give me any lunch! I cant wait til 5.30 to eat!!
So.. we went back and made her a sandwich.

God give me stength!!!!
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meggie · F
It's sad, but she may need to go into care for everyone's sakes. You and your hisband cannot carry on like that. She'll have 24 hour care and other people for company.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@meggie its not our call. She is deemed to have 'capacity' to make her own decisions. The family were not even consulted about her care leaving hospital. She wanted to go home to her own home...so thats what happened. Hubs goes every day and i go at least 3 times a week. They are supposed to leave us notes regaurding shopping...they dont. They are paid extra to clean....yet we are still having to do it.
Mum does notcwant to go into a home. She wont hear of it. We have tried to talk about it with her.... just discussing options and she says we want to put her in a home so we can sell her house and pinch her money. Of course, she doesnt understand if we were after her money....the last thing we'd want is for her to go into a home... as all her money from the sale of her house would go very quickly on her care!!