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Am I that horrible if a daughter?

My mom has been living with my brother and his wife for a couple years now and they are moving next week to another state and my mom has nowhere to go once they leave. My mom doesn't have the finances to supply for her own place and she does not want to stay with her mother. The only option she has either a shelter or apartment. I am married, have a very small apartment and my husband and I already argue constantly. I love my mom dearly but she is very opinionated and believes it is either her way or no way at all. I would rather my mom not move in with us because of space, privacy, and overall our sanity and jeopardizing my relationship with her and my husband, it's happened before. We each have our own habits that have ALREADY clashed together. I know I'm terrible and I can't let her live in the shelter, I just don't know what to do????
Oh honey, I feel for you. I understand. Please don’t feel guilty. You can only do what you can do. I know you love your mother, but your sanity comes first. You’ve tried that before. She doesn’t want to stay with her own mother, yet expects you to do something you know would affect and even damage many aspects of your own life. She’ll have to move in with her mom, honey. No question about it. The strain would kill you, and it would be the same answer if it was about anyone else. Do what is right for you. Be true to thine own self.
This is hard, but consider your Mom has choices. She can get an apartment or live with her own mother (which she probably doesn't want to do for the same reasons you don't want her to move in with you).

If she had no choices, I would have suggested taking her in on a clearly stated temporary-to-end-on-a-specific date while you worked out a better solution. But she can take care of herself and your marriage should not be sacrificed on the altar of what she wants.

I lived with my daughter for a year and a half or so. We were all reasonable people but it was still a strain on everybody.
Waitforme · 26-30, F
@Mamapolo2016 I have watched the difficulties and emotional stress my brother and sister-in-law have went through while my mom has stayed with them. My sister-in-law is a lot more humble and patient than I am too. If it was just me only living in my apartment I would move her things in asap with no question! And yes, she doesn't want to move in with her mother because of the same reasons.
Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F
Find her an apartment where she can have a roomate so she wont be alone.Advertise.In the mean time put her up in a hotel.
Wait a second - your mom dosent want to live with her mother ? why should you live with yours. If you are living in a small apt. and have kids and your husband argues with you - what do you think it will be like when and if mom moves in. Not good to have the kids see fighting.
Thank God! Common sense! 👍 @MarmeeMarch
Waitforme · 26-30, F
Exactly, you're right! Although we don't have any children yet, we are just now learning how to love one another in spite of our differences :)
👍 Awesome! @Waitforme
TrunkZ · 56-60, M
If she doesn't have the finances for her own place does that mean she is moving in forever? From what you describe that would never work.
Cajunfirefly · 41-45, F
If her mother has the room and you don't...sounds like mom and grandma are bunking together. Temporarily at least
Oh, and No, yiu're not a horrible daughter. Any mother worth her salt (who has options) would tell their daughter it was her family that took priority.
@Mamapolo2016 You are a wife and mother now. Yes, you should do for your mother what you can, but not so far it wrecks your family.
Reverse the scenario. What would you want your mother to do if you were in her place? That's another perspective.
@RenaissanceMan Please don’t get me wrong. I feel the same way as you do about parents. They deserve to be taken care of, after years of dedication to us. It’s the least we can do. I always showed them respect.

I don’t expect too many would understand, but there was a time when I had to get away from my abusive mother, to save my own sanity. I did go back however, later, when I felt I could handle it, and she didn’t treat me that way anymore. I never stopped loving them though. Thank you for your kind response. And for the love and rose. I won’t forget it. Love and hugs, Grace
@LadyGrace My mother was abusive. The kind of abuse that sends you to prison. She has aliented herself from Everyone. She's 87 years old. Sits alone in her big house with her cats for companions. She wants it that way and we just leave her be.
Anyway, your welcome.
Love and hugs, Marsane
I’m sorry to hear that and that you have to go through that, and family. She might do that, so she doesn’t hurt anyone, any more. @RenaissanceMan
JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M
You sound like utter white trash to be honest.

I doubt there’s much you have the ability to do to change that.
Montanaman · M
No, it's probably best, you don't need to add more toxicity. 😔🤗🤗
Waitforme · 26-30, F
Although this post was a year ago, she moved in with us last year, then went to a shelter, then moved back in with us 3 months ago in our 200 sq foot apartment. I’m very aggravated by the situation because we don’t get any privacy unless we tell her to step outside and sit in one of ours cars. @Montanaman
Montanaman · M
@Waitforme not good. But what can you do. 😔🤷🤗🤗
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
It sounds like she's moving in... with you.

 
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