Read this and give tell me what you think ok?

@SimplyTracie I see it but do you?

@Summersault I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry but I’m not a poet. But it sounds like a cry for help. Are you okay?

Realizing that my hopes and dreams turned from soild to cream

I had a dream

cant trust nobody

its the same sequel

love to much and trust and it burns up

i dont need much but i cant help but want enough

its all good just hope God lets a fool in again

with the pen its like a scratch and win

might need windows tinted

dont want people to mock and get tunnel vision

I listen
I learn
I speak
my voice
my voice
my name

its insane

feels good to feel the rain

but i crave like a broke man wanting a crave case but just incase I tried no lie

dont wanna feel the flame need to stop cigerattes

helping with the pain few seconds of gasp

how long will I last

turtle slow but the bunnies fasr so fast he tripped over his ass

he lost and ate some grass

he chillin now as pastime

thinking grimey shit turtle dashed past and said "oops I'm sorry yeah right hardly"

Bugs was mad so he tunneled up the grass

direct hit poor turtle went airborne

rabbit laughed but knocked the snapper and he still won thats a mark on that bunnies ass

You went deep for a min...thanks for cleaning it up for me Ik it took no time probably but thanks

[@LyricalOne You and me can make a SW duet then a small one.
How?

@Summersault I'll give it some thought and get back to you. But we need to keep it brief. Nothing that will make our audience want to jump off a cliff.

Cliff hangers.....

@5thApprentice yeah i just typed it how i wrote it

@Summersault Normally id just make some sarcastic remark but since I write to I'll be constructive lol.

You got to give some form to it. If it's a massive pile of words people aren't going to to be able to see where they're meant to stop, start or pause.

I recommend editing it a little. If this was a spoken word piece it'd be cool since you could deliver it but it's written, so to an extent it's gotta look digestible.

I'd also recommend posting it as a story/experience. That way you can properly format it. And people will be more likely to read it since a lot of writers/readers hang in the same groups

Good luck, man. Keep writing and putting those thoughts and feelings to paper!

@5thApprentice Preciate it bro