Read this and give tell me what you think ok?

Realizing that my hopes and dreams turned from soild to cream I had a dream cant trust nobody its the same sequel love to much and trust and it burns up i dont need much but i cant help but want enough its all good just hope God lets a fool in again with the pen its like a scratch and win might need windows tinted dont want people to mock and get tunnel vision I listen I learn I speak my voice my voice my name its insane feels good to feel the rain but i crave like a broke man wanting a crave case but just incase I tried no lie dont wanna feel the flame need to stop cigerattes helping with the pain few seconds of gasp how long will I last turtle slow but the bunnies fasr so fast he tripped over his ass he lost and ate some grass he chillin now as pastime thinking grimey shit turtle dashed past and said "oops I'm sorry yeah right hardly" Bugs was mad so he tunneled up the grass direct hit poor turtle went airborne rabbit laughed but knocked the snapper and he still won thats a mark on that bunnies ass

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5thApprentice · 31-35, M

Is this a poem, man?

Summersault · M

@5thApprentice yeah i just typed it how i wrote it

5thApprentice · 31-35, M

@Summersault Normally id just make some sarcastic remark but since I write to I'll be constructive lol.

You got to give some form to it. If it's a massive pile of words people aren't going to to be able to see where they're meant to stop, start or pause.

I recommend editing it a little. If this was a spoken word piece it'd be cool since you could deliver it but it's written, so to an extent it's gotta look digestible.

I'd also recommend posting it as a story/experience. That way you can properly format it. And people will be more likely to read it since a lot of writers/readers hang in the same groups

Good luck, man. Keep writing and putting those thoughts and feelings to paper!

Summersault · M

@5thApprentice Preciate it bro