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Trans struggles please give me advice!

I'm transgender as it said but I haven't come out to my father yet...growing up I have always been his little girl and he says I always will be but the problem is that I'm not a girl...I'm scared to tell him because I dont want to hate him if he says something and ends up ignoring that I'm trans I'm not old enough to move out (ik I'm a minor and I shouldn't be on a site blah blah blah but what haven't I seen at this point?) but I live with my mom currently, my father lives separately from us not for abusive reasons, I'm just not sure if coming out is the right thing to do yet but I need help from people to help me find more about whether I should come out or not
MasterLee · 51-55, M
It is kind of simple. Check your sex organs. It will solve many questions.
Scribbles · 31-35, F
@MasterLee yeah, do you feel better about your comments here? Or have you not objected enough to imaginary political theatre, instead of choosing to react to actual human beings?
MasterLee · 51-55, M
@Scribbles I feel fine. Thanks for your concern.
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
Do you know about his views on trans issues or his politics about these things?

A parent who is against trans people can learn and come around (they often do) but it can make coming out a much more fraught process and your safety at home is of course #1.
Anon39 · 22-25
@CountScrofula I'm not 100% sure about my dad is with the whole trans topic, he's never really said anything about it that's the problem
Coming out to everyone is important for you and your relationships with others
but there is no need to do it until you feel the time is right.
This is 100% your journey.
You will know the time when you feel comfortable about it.
My best guess is that you'll feel better about it when you're independent enough to have left home.
In the meantime, you could dress like an elegant non-binary person when around him. It would show subtle clues which he might not notice but which would make sense when you do finally tell him.
Anon39 · 22-25
@hartfire that's actually really helpful thank you
@Anon39 Thank You! If feels really good to be able to have helped. :)
Wishing you a wonderful journey towards fulfillment and selfhood. ❤️
Anon39 · 22-25
@hartfire thank you alot
MasterLee · 51-55, M
It isn't an irrational fear unless you have normalphobia.
Anon39 · 22-25
@MasterLee almost seems like you forgot that nearly everyone loves dogs, I might not bark but I do bite
MasterLee · 51-55, M
@Anon39 lol
Anon39 · 22-25
AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M
That’s a tough spot to be in . Are you sure you’re not lesbian ?
Anon39 · 22-25
@AthrillatheHunt ....I've been bisexual for over 3 years so no I'm not lesbian I know for a fact I'm trans, liking woman and being trans are 2 totally different things/feelings
Jessmari · 41-45
Realistically you won't be able to control or mitigate his reaction. It's up to you to know if you are ready to deal with whatever reaction that might be and how that effects your relationship with your father going forward. If you are not ready and it's not that important to tell him then hold off until you are.
Anon39 · 22-25
@Jessmari yea, Ive held off for nearly a year without telling anyone and I'm planning to come out over the phone so I do have some sort of control over the situation
It can take a long time to transition. In the meantime try to feel him out. Ask hypotheticals. Ask about a "friend" etc. That way you can gauge his reaction to the entire concept and see if it would be safe to come out.
Anon39 · 22-25
@canusernamebemyusername I've thought about that kinda idea but I'm not to sure how to go about it without it sounding like a excuse
How are they about these kind of topics in general? Do they accept it?
If not you may want to wait until you're independent and safe.
@Anon39 Maybe bring up something about it to him pertaining it but not about you and feel him out?
Anon39 · 22-25
@SW-User I was thinking of that but my dad's the type that would pick up on the fact that I'm doing the whole "my friend that's secretly me" kind of thing
@Anon39 I'm sorry. Has he ever expressed any feelings about it before?
ElizabethThorn · 26-30, F
Come out whenever you feel that ypu are ready. Don’t feel pressured to. Also I would highly recommend therapy so it gives you a way to vent your feelings
Anon39 · 22-25
@ElizabethThorn yea there isn't pressure other then my mom, and Ive been through 3 therapists through 3 years and for 2 of those I only went to 2-3 sessions so it's kinda difficult to find a good therapist 😅
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
You're cis female?
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Anon39 ok, so your body has male parts??
Scribbles · 31-35, F
@Tastyfrzz that is none of your business.

She/He (I don't want to assume you want to be called He unless you want people to) is asking for advice about talking to a parent!
Anon39 · 22-25
@Scribbles thanks and it is he/him
This message was deleted.
Scribbles · 31-35, F
@PhoenixPhail Not in every case. In my experience there are some people who harm others and justify it as being true and feeling right to themselves.

But in most cases, doing what feels right is pretty good advice.
@Scribbles Yes, there are exceptions.

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