Losing hope as a infected gay.

Hello everyone. My friend has been a gay for the last 6years and the sad part is his ex who is also a gay infected him with Aids and he has been takinh RVs for the last 6years. Life hasnt been so easy for him since everyone is avoiding him and there has been times when he wants to commit suicide because he thinks his life has ended. And people always talk bad about him. I told him to move in with us and i cant tell my family that his infected. Sometimes he doesnt what yo eat food. Any advice on how to change his life so that he can know that he can live for long and he how to tell him not to miss taking his drugs. And why do people hate infected peoole..

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

This is a genuine dilemma. Sure, you want to show compassion to your friend and help him. But, inviting him into your home because you trust him and withholding information from your family because you already know they won't trust him and his disease is about as deceptive as anyone can get. No offence, but you are basically making a decision for them to satisfy your own self-absorbed interests. That is showing an astounding lack of compassion. If you want to openly expose yourself that is your choice to make. Give your family the same decision-making consideration. Your behaviour suggests you don't really feel like they count.

The thing is, there are other ways you can help, support, and encourage your friend without forcing your family to do so without any say in the matter. There are social services that provide counseling, drug and talk therapy, shelter, companionship, pet-matching, and life skill development which it sounds like he needs if he is unable to deal with the reality that everyone isn't going to like him and may talk "bad" about him.

Helping your friend by deceiving your family isn't a proper solution. I hope you come to that realization... for everyone's long-term concern.

Annie13 · F

@MarkPaul How is she self absorbed when she wants to help her friend in need?
There is no exposure to it if you don't exchange fluids like blood or semen. This is a misconception that leads to stigmatization. HIV positive people do not have to be avoided.

There are social services that provide counseling, drug and talk therapy, shelter, companionship, pet-matching, and life skill development

That's all good but does not provide family structures and friendship that he would need and also sounds like you think HIV-positive people need to be seperated from society when it's not spread in a way that endangers anyone.
How about instead you expect him to deal with discrimination besides his struggle being infected you support education and anti-stigma activism?

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Annie13 She's plotting to deceive her family who don't get any say, choice, or decision in the matter concerning the living space she shares with them. That is the height of self-absorbed. Yes, it's noble she wants to help her friend. But, then she should have the guts to let her family know they will be part of her plot. Short of letting them in on her plot, she's being devious and yes... self-absorbed.

I am not saying she needs to avoid her friend, but she doesn't have the entitled right to make that decision for everyone else by withholding information. Why should she be the only one who can make an informed decision? And, in a living space, there is no telling how body fluids might get exchanged. All of that is up to each individual in the living space to consider and decide on. The fact that she wants to take that decision away from them is what I am objecting to most.

In your quest to provide family structure and friendship, you need to learn that it's not much of a family or friendship if the structure is created by deceiving those in the family or friend group. Look, he's in a terrible spot, but he made decisions that led him there. We can't just pretend he is an innocent victim and all of society must now cater to his needs. He deserves respect and is entitled to all the rights that society has to offer, but not at the expense of suspending the rights and decision-making of everyone else. If she is really as good of a Samaritan as you have chosen to believe, maybe she should just get a flat of her own to take him in. She can visit her family on weekends.

Munirah256 · F

@MarkPaul you are so wrong. Here in my country no one whats to help or talk to infected people. Am just a friend and i never wanted to see anyone die because no one was willing to help him.he was going to kill himself and thats why i decided to help. We all have a power to change a life. I was a mom and my child was killed and his body was thrown in a septic tank by that time i was 23yrs old its now 4years. I went through hell, i become suicidal and ì went through too much pain. All the last 3 years i was thinking how can someone kill a 2year old innocent boy back to point. I felt so bad when hearing my friend wanted to kill himself. I know the pain his family would go through. Am talking about the pain which i know so well. His mom and father all are looking up to him. And i do not hate gay people but he got aids because he went to a party and got drunk so someone used him. Am just helping him and i do care about my family. But in my country no one whats to be near anyone infected its the reason why he wanted to kill himself. When his other friend found out about his status they told other people and started to laugh at him.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Munirah256 But, you are appointing yourself the decision-making for the other people you live with and doing so by withholding information from them. That is wrong. And, you are wrong if you think that is showing that you care.

Munirah256 · F

@MarkPaul am going to tell my family

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Munirah256 Finally. Perfect. Thank you.