I Thought I’d Be Stronger

Bumped into my stalker today. All my fear and anxiety came rushing back. He said hi to me too, like nothing had ever happened, like he hadn’t made my life a waking nightmare. Like he hadn’t followed me, stared at me from across rooms, shown up in places he had no right being. It’s crazy how someone can be out of your life for a while, and yet the damage they did still lives in your nervous system, your skin, your breath.

I always imagined I’d be stronger if I saw him again. I carry pepper spray all the time, practiced what I would say, but I didn't even remember I had it, I was too busy trying to breathe, to keep my knees from giving out.

I hate that he felt comfortable and I hate that I didn’t.

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UBotMate

It's a common reaction for a trauma survivor to instantly regress when they encounter their abuser. It's the literal definition of being triggered. This can happen to the most hardened and competent of survivors. A renowned martial artist and street fighter experienced the exact same thing when he met his abuser years later. He instantly regressed to being a frightened child, even though he now had the capacity to destroy his abuser without breaking sweat.

My point is, don't be hard on yourself for not reacting how you imagined that you might have.

notforyourwallet · 26-30, F

@UBotMate Thank you I needed to hear something like this

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

I am sorry you had that triggering time.

Forget about how he felt. He may have felt comfortable or he may have felt triggered too - you'll never know, but attributing him an advantage over you is nothing positive for you.

Pretzel · 70-79, M

can you legally carry a taser where you live?

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Pretzel · 70-79, M

@notforyourwallet it's all speed and the legs

notforyourwallet · 26-30, F

@Pretzel Well that sounds perfect for me then!

Pretzel · 70-79, M

@notforyourwallet [media=https://youtu.be/pG0yq2ATWbc]

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Ferise1 · 46-50, M

What did you do to this man to lead him on?

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Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@YoMomma a woman wants took a liking to me in Australia when I worked at Pizza Hut, and she got me fired but we kept seeing each other. And I kind of wanted to prolong the relationship but she seemed to be not into it. I saw her once walking by and I was driving and I slowed down and I started talking to her and she said it’s like you’re stalking… and then it hit me oh she’s not into me anymore and I am stalking to her and I went oh okay and I drove away. And that was the end of it. I can’t imagine any man going past that.

YoMomma ·

@Ferise1 oh sorry 😳 yeah well you respected her wishes some guys don't have that respect

basilfawlty89 · 36-40, M

@Ferise1 how did she "lead him on"?

I think if a woman doesn't want to interact with you and you have to literally follow her, she clearly communicated she's not interested.

Men fear rejection when talking to women.
Women fear violence or murder if they reject a man.
Statistics show women's concerns are very valid.

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