I Thought I’d Be Stronger

Bumped into my stalker today. All my fear and anxiety came rushing back. He said hi to me too, like nothing had ever happened, like he hadn’t made my life a waking nightmare. Like he hadn’t followed me, stared at me from across rooms, shown up in places he had no right being. It’s crazy how someone can be out of your life for a while, and yet the damage they did still lives in your nervous system, your skin, your breath.

I always imagined I’d be stronger if I saw him again. I carry pepper spray all the time, practiced what I would say, but I didn't even remember I had it, I was too busy trying to breathe, to keep my knees from giving out.

I hate that he felt comfortable and I hate that I didn’t.