Are the holidays a trigger for anyone else?

And furthermore..if it's not one thing, it's your mother?

I went to my parents' to bring a candy bouquet to dad since he just got back in town from his back surgery.

My dad couldn't get up, so my mom 😒🙄 had to get the door. I was there for DAD, and dad ALONE..not.her.abusive.ass.

She kept interjecting and trying to talk to me, knowing full well she lied endlessly in our counseling session, saying I BRANDISHED A BUTCHER KNIFE at her, threatening her LIFE, etc.

As I was leaving, she perkily said that a family friend made them chicken noodle soup, and she had saved me some, and would I like to hang out there for a little while.

NO. I would NOT like to be cajoled with FOOD after the food addiction you instigated, mother. NO. I would NOT like to pal around with you after you ruined my entire family and took my nieces and nephews from me.

Grrr. She gets EXACTLY what she wants when she does this. A sob story that "Brittany is so rude", when I am just drawing a RESOLUTE BOUNDARY.

Don't get me started on the BOUNDARIES book she gifted me!!!!! I drove home weeping. This will be my 4th Christmas alone, and dad looked so weak and old 😪😪😪

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Starcrossed · 41-45, F

Holidays being a trigger was one of the discussion points in my therapy session this morning.

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@Starcrossed You too? We covered that last Monday night, and tonight we're going to be covering how to deal with them.

foldedunfolding · 41-45, F

@Starcrossed @LordShadowfire did yall come to any helpful conclusions?

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@foldedunfolding Well, we ran out of time last week. Solutions are this week.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

@foldedunfolding well... this Thanksgiving one of my extended inlaws has requested no alcohol and I surprisingly have some pretty strong multidimensional feelings over it. Ultimately though I think I've decided to go into it accepting it and being supportive of the family member who asked and that my motives for doing so [vs instead to insisting my want/*need* be met and to have alcohol allowed to help me be less anxious as is a historical experience on holidays predating the ones spent with these particular relatives] anyway my motives to comply aren't codependent rooted and just out of people pleasing but rather are a genuine want to be supportive family member and acceptance that I will experience discomfort but know I will be okay.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

@foldedunfolding but yeah, I can still validate my 'dry Thanksgiving is going to suck balls and I do not want' feels without completely succumbing to my internal tempertantrum over it and either and refusing to go or showing up with a negative attitude.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I feel I need to reiterate how not looking forward to Thanksgiving I am this year and that's so disappointing because awkward relative small talk and exhausting cooking too many things at once extravaganza aside, I love the holiday. 😕

And I've been going through my own internal judgments about how I don't need alcohol but yet also discussing with husband various ways e could try and compromise [like we have some ourselves in the kitchen while cooking but just not at the dining room table]. Then feeling mad at myself for even suggesting we try to compromise. Wondering about my own struggles with addictions and how they relate to my codependency which I've done a ton of work on the past couple years.

The whole no alcohol request brought up a lot of personal inner struggle.