How can I injure myself to be hospitalized for a while?

Maybe if I just fall down a flight of stairs or something. I don’t want to die or injure myself permanently. Just injure myself to be hospitalized for a while. There is a woman that lives in my apartment building who I have a huge crush on. She is so beautiful and I can’t stop thinking about her. But I never get the opportunity to talk with her. She works as a nurse at the local hospital. So if I get injured bad enough, maybe I will finally be able to get to know her better.

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Punches · 46-50, F

Since when do 50 year olds get crushes?

Besides if she is that cute and has a decent job, she is probably not single.
She is likely in a "relationship" with some online catfish.

For self injury, unless it is well planned, we don't know what the result would be.

Maybe just go to the ER and claim something is hurting.