Body - Mind - Emotions

@PerfectionOfTheHeart

“Sorry I forgot how to breathe”

That’s so funny that you have a name for it but I guess if it happens enough you would need one. I think I do that too but it comes off as me staring intently, maybe I’ll call that my sorry “I forgot to blink”moment.

Thank you, I would like to claim I know the secret. But I do still spend a lot of time unaware of my mind running the show. It usually goes too far and puts me in a place where I have to confront my thoughts. similar to boiling a frog, if it fills my mind with small thoughts that aren’t too painful I miss it because it registers below my pain threshold.

I hope your fear of getting another panic attack lessons over time. I understand how crippling they can be. It’s like playing constant defense against an enemy that you don’t know when they will show up. I remember a post recently of yours where you talked about working out again. Is that going well?

@Reflective Haha. Yep. I have those staring off into space moments too. A great name for it.

Well, that’s going to happen. Remnants of how the show used to be run having to mesh with the way you want it to run until a full conversation comes about. It’s a process that takes so much time and tests along the way. And it’s not even guaranteed to come to fruition. But the hood still exists as the old and the new coincide, both vying for an opportunity to have their moment to shine.

It feels like living with a ghost sometimes. You can’t see it. But you can feel it’s presence hovering over you. Watching your every move almost like it’s waiting for an invite to take control of you. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever had to live with. The fear has lessened quite a bit over time though. I’ve made my peace with an attack happening again because it more than likely will. But showing fear will drastically increase those odds. It is. I’m doing a lot more than I’ve done since the attack, and my heart pounding doesn’t take me to a dark place. I still get a little uneasy walking the dog because it’s something that takes me away from the house and if something happens I don’t have the cell reception to call anyone. But I’ve recently made myself listen to a soothing playlist for that walk to act as a shield for those thoughts. I remind myself often that it took a very long time to get to the state of anxiety and depression that took me down. And naturally it’ll take a good amount of time to do the healing needed to turn myself away from that version of myself. I’m just happy that I was able to drive again. To be in a store by myself again. And be as physically active as I want to be without fearing a ghost materializing for the sole purpose of scaring the shit out of me simply because it’s scared and confused itself. Never once did anyone describe anxiety like that to me. But that’s exactly what mine turned out to be.

@PerfectionOfTheHeart I can’t help but think that this will give you a tremendous amount of courage. Maybe preparing you for another role later in life. That just came to me so I wanted to share it with you. With your awareness and strength and ability to express yourself so clearly I can’t imagine this not turning into something really wonderful. Im curious to see what this is leading too.

@Lacemaker me too, I would like to reignite my relationship with my practice.

@StarLily oh yeah, I’ve experienced that as well. There have been many times where I sat with my emotions and felt a knot pop like I released it from feeling the feeling.