Body - Mind - Emotions

@PerfectionOfTheHeart i love it too. I feel the same way too sometimes. I’ve noticed that my breath plays a big part of it, and in my case it’s the lack of breath. I will hold my breath unknowingly which heightens my ability to hold a thought or scenario in my mind, and I will think about what ever is bothering me to try to solve it. It seems like it’s a way for my mind to take over because the real solution doesn’t come from me going over it over and over again, that just keeps me stuck, the solution comes from sitting with the feeling without labeling it as a problem.

I feel like yoga helps me calm my mind, which then allows me to feel the feeling detached from the story I’m giving it. A teacher of mine told me that when you practice yoga, and I think it applies to other practices as well, that you work the body out before you meditate so that it’s at peace when you’re sitting still. Otherwise parts of your body/emotional body will call your attention which your mind will start giving stories too it and that will take you out of the present. If you wear yourself out physically then your body is more likely to want to rest and that will give you the space to meditate with less distractions.

@Reflective Breathing plays a huge part in getting over those kinds of hiccups. It’s the number one course of action to take when affected by something like anxiety. That’s interesting. I have that same tendency to hold mine. But my reasoning behind it is nonexistent. I won’t even realize my breaths getting smaller and smaller until a loud huge breath is forced from me out of nowhere. I call it my “sorry, I forgot how to breath” moment because it causes people to turn their focus to me. But you realizing that’s how the solution comes is truly remarkable. It makes me feel that anything your mind tries to flex on you will not have the upper hand for very long. You know the secret to gaining clarity when many haven’t unveiled it for themselves yet.

That detachment is something I struggle with with yoga. It’s very hard for me to quiet my mind long enough to focus on the relaxation of the body and mind, and the strengthening a healthy bond between the two. I totally get that though. It’s true that exhausting the body will force your mind to into a quiet recharging state. That was my problem after my panic attack. I couldn’t work out anymore because of the fear of spurring another one, and when I would try to partake in a yoga session my body not being exhausted made my mind very loud…too loud to do the sessions properly. But the days when I was completely drained from just fighting off anxiety, the power of yoga would completely flow through to the point where when I would reach the instructor’s last message of “Trust the flow. Trust all is well. Namaste,” and just cry with prayer hands against my forehead. That connection was there and I was able to live my day in a better place. Such a powerful tool in the just keeping livin’ phase of life.

@PerfectionOfTheHeart

“Sorry I forgot how to breathe”

That’s so funny that you have a name for it but I guess if it happens enough you would need one. I think I do that too but it comes off as me staring intently, maybe I’ll call that my sorry “I forgot to blink”moment.

Thank you, I would like to claim I know the secret. But I do still spend a lot of time unaware of my mind running the show. It usually goes too far and puts me in a place where I have to confront my thoughts. similar to boiling a frog, if it fills my mind with small thoughts that aren’t too painful I miss it because it registers below my pain threshold.

I hope your fear of getting another panic attack lessons over time. I understand how crippling they can be. It’s like playing constant defense against an enemy that you don’t know when they will show up. I remember a post recently of yours where you talked about working out again. Is that going well?

@Reflective Haha. Yep. I have those staring off into space moments too. A great name for it.

Well, that’s going to happen. Remnants of how the show used to be run having to mesh with the way you want it to run until a full conversation comes about. It’s a process that takes so much time and tests along the way. And it’s not even guaranteed to come to fruition. But the hood still exists as the old and the new coincide, both vying for an opportunity to have their moment to shine.

It feels like living with a ghost sometimes. You can’t see it. But you can feel it’s presence hovering over you. Watching your every move almost like it’s waiting for an invite to take control of you. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever had to live with. The fear has lessened quite a bit over time though. I’ve made my peace with an attack happening again because it more than likely will. But showing fear will drastically increase those odds. It is. I’m doing a lot more than I’ve done since the attack, and my heart pounding doesn’t take me to a dark place. I still get a little uneasy walking the dog because it’s something that takes me away from the house and if something happens I don’t have the cell reception to call anyone. But I’ve recently made myself listen to a soothing playlist for that walk to act as a shield for those thoughts. I remind myself often that it took a very long time to get to the state of anxiety and depression that took me down. And naturally it’ll take a good amount of time to do the healing needed to turn myself away from that version of myself. I’m just happy that I was able to drive again. To be in a store by myself again. And be as physically active as I want to be without fearing a ghost materializing for the sole purpose of scaring the shit out of me simply because it’s scared and confused itself. Never once did anyone describe anxiety like that to me. But that’s exactly what mine turned out to be.

@PerfectionOfTheHeart I can’t help but think that this will give you a tremendous amount of courage. Maybe preparing you for another role later in life. That just came to me so I wanted to share it with you. With your awareness and strength and ability to express yourself so clearly I can’t imagine this not turning into something really wonderful. Im curious to see what this is leading too.