Talking to your teenagers There is, I feel, a gulf between my teenage kids and me. I'm coming...

SammyJo · 51-55, F

That's very interesting! I like it.

A few years ago now, we had a 'big conversation' with both our youngest daughter and her best friend. Was going to be coming up to secondary school and, with the other girl's mum and my wife together we had a big chat.

Both me and the other girl's mum are prostitutes and, my wife a teacher. We revealed, for want of a better term, of mine and her involvement in prostitution, what it was, what we did, what this implies...and then the bigger picture of femininity, empowerment and personal morality. Huge topics.

Both myself and the other girl's mum - Gina - had to work that night, so Kaz (my wife) was left with everything. We wanted to 'normalise' it all.

Fast forward some 18 months or so and both myself and my daughter, and Gina and hers have some really frank and open discussions about sexuality, sex and femininity. It's kinda beautiful.

Hard to start the ball rolling on anything like perceived stereotypes, like toxic masculinity etc, but important to show the way and show the potential pitfalls.

More power to you.

SJD x

SunshineGirl · 36-40, F

That sounds an excellent idea. Anything that gets teenagers communicating openly with the adults closest to them is really important.

I would be interested to know if you feel this helps to bridge the gap with your children over the longer term. I don't really like talk about Gen X, Gen Y, etc. I think that exaggerates the differences between generations for commercial purposes. The more time I spend with my children (and my mother for that matter) the more I appreciate what unites rather than divides us.

exexec · 70-79, C

We never had a problem communicating with our son and daughter and their friends when they were teens. Maybe that's why our 16 year old granddaughter comes by often to sit and talk with my wife, her grandmother.

JollyRoger · 70-79, M

I'm coming in on this conversation to simply say, "Wonderful." I was a policeman in my career (33 years) and much of the contact I had with 'delinquent' (old word isn't it) teens is the rift between them and their parents - mostly caused by the parents wanting to hold the teens to the 'values' they had growing up and the teens wanting to explore to find what 'values' really are.
A series of letters from the 'been there, done that' respectable people who aren't passing judgement but are giving insights into consequences for actions taken really strikes the target for a teen.

VeronicaJane

Simply brilliant Angela! Well done :-)

The nice thing is that since its written it is something they may refer to again and again. Also, it is more than just simply "my parents" telling them, its others as well. Sort of like "it takes a village" sort of thing. Besides, adolescence is not easy and can be quite difficult at times. It helps for them to know its not the first time someone faced a problem or issue.

Again -- Brilliant, well done!

Docdon23 · M

I recommend reading or listening to a book, The Anxious generation. It explains what is going on with young people today. Shocking, but the author does offer solutions. This is not your fault, or theirs. It is the internet, smartphones and a totally different experience growing up today. I would love to share more. I was a high school teacher for 41 years and now serve on our Board of education. Our young people need help--more addiction, porn, bullying, porn, gambling and mental health issues than ever before.

DoubleRings · F

What a wonderful idea! Love this! Personally I never felt connected to my parents like this as a teen. I felt mostly judged or maybe I was just over sensitive I’m not sure. I felt that trusting them or anyone was risky. I journaled a lot.

ironborn · 51-55, M

wow, that is such a brilliant thing to do. Talking is sometimes difficult so to open it up by written word then open up verbally is awesome. Get well soon.

Likestoenjoylife · 51-55, M

Before each of my kids left for college I wrote them a letter that was just between me and them their mother had no idea what I wrote each one. The letters were personal and real just about them told them to read them and decide what they thought they could keep them or throw them away but regardless I loved them!

Djc59 · 56-60, MVIP

The world may be different now, but the responsibility of parents, a mom and a dad remain the same. Also, the big difference between today’s generation and yesteryear isn’t the kids themselves, but that the culture and educational institutions has taught them not to appreciate their freedoms and opportunity, play up themselves or others as victims in lieu of personal responsibility, anything goes morality, and lack of in-person social experiences that teach how to relate to others rather than to retreat into tribal groups. Identity politics didn’t help either. Also toxic masculinity gets blamed for a lot of things, often as a scapegoat to shield the accuser’s own bias.