Talking to your teenagers

There is, I feel, a gulf between my teenage kids and me.

I'm coming up on 46. Middle age? I'm Gen X possibly Gen Y. I grew up in a different century. Life is so different now the world so different.

I saw Stephen Graham talking about a project to get dad's to write a letter to adolescent boys as part of tackling toxic masculinity etc.

Brilliant idea. I then thought I could use this with my own kids. I wrote each of them a letter. My daughter has just turned 14 my son 12. I then asked some friends to also write letters to them. For my daughter one of my closest friends who grew up in care and was involved in criminality in her teens. My sister in law who has faced racism and an old friend who attends the church she goes to with her dad.

My son unfortunately his dad refused to do it saying he didn't see the point. So I've left a place marker in the folder, maybe he will one day. My boyfriend, a friend from AA and my brother however graciously wrote amazingly open letters to him.

I collected them all together in a folder each and gave them to them yesterday. They disappeared to their rooms to read. Then I heard them together in his room discussing for ages before they arrived downstairs as the curry was being served. Having my boyfriend there was more than helpful even though I'd not thought that through.

We had the most open conversations I've ever had with them. Even action plans created we'll work through together.

I'm so glad I saw this idea and went through with it. And the folks who wrote so openly to my kids laying out their own failings and vulnerabilities I really can't thank enough.

I dropped them off at their dad's this morning and feel both elated and exhausted, mind you I've had covid this week so that's probably a factor too.