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Is it selfish to make yourself a cup of tea in someone else's house and not ask if anyone else wants something?

My mum and I are visiting my grandparents...
They have always been kind to us to the point where they would bring us tea and biscuits to have in bed for years.
Anyways as they're now in their 80s they're tired and have a lot of aches and pains so much so they don't do what they used to.
My grandparents always say we shouldn't as for what we want if its in the house...
But I've noticed that my mum will make herself a cup of tea and she will never ask if anyone else wants one.
Or she will offer to do something and find a way to get out of doing it.
Or knowing my grandparents like the house so tidy, leave the cup she's been drinking from somewhere and walk off and forget about it.

Yesterday my grandmother asked if one of us could help with dinner, I had made the tea and done breakfast so I looked to mum. And she turned away... In the end she did cook but she kept calling my grandmother out to help her find things around the kitchen.

😔

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Barny52 · 56-60, M

Perhaps just lazy and was spoiled by her mum

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@Barny52 far from spoiled she always complains they spoilt me

4meAndyou · F

Well, it certainly seems as if she is struggling with understanding her parent's new condition. Perhaps a bit of plain speaking would help, (not in front of the grandparents).

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@4meAndyou I don't bother to speak to her about anything because she tells me that I'm bossy and like to be in charge

4meAndyou · F

@Mellowgirl Well...not much to be done about it, then.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@4meAndyou no...
Although on the train journey back what my mum had to say to me was this...
When we visit family I shut down. I can't deal with it all. They are all so loud and seem to love the sound of their own voices they talk about things even when it's unnecessary. They can't stand silence. Unfortunately it makes me anxious and I want to just get away.
One of the things I did have to say to my mum was for the first time I have to agree. I was happy that my dog got along with family members especially my grandfather but I desperately wanted to tell them to shut up.
So many people were calling to Bruno that he didn't know whether he was coming or going. The poor thing.
In the end even he stopped listening to people calling to him. I should have had a counter for everytime someone called his name unnecessarily.
*sigh*

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

I always ask even at home. Why heat water for tea if you don’t ask everyone else.?

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@cherokeepatti in this economic crisis. Ha..
She might have been pissed at me because I went out to walk Bruno at 6.45am trying to maintain consistency despite being somewhere new. Anyways when we returned he had his breakfast and I would make myself a cup of tea. As my grandparents were up I wouldn't even ask if just make them a tea and bring them a couple of biscuits.
They sang my praise about it.
Unfortunately knowing who my mum is I didn't dare disturb her sleep for tea.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Mellowgirl well I wouldn’t wake someone up to ask but would ask everyone else. I have two teapots and can make two different kinds at the same time

samueltyler2 · 80-89, M

I can not explain why she would do that. It doesn't matter what house she is in, it is surprising that she doesn't ask if anyone else wants something. Poor social skills.

Saintweezer · 36-40, M

No my brother in law does it all time. He still hasn’t figured out the Kurig

Fluffybull · F

If this is a change in her behaviour it may indicate something more than "selfishness". What is she like in her own home? Does she have problems finding things/remembering??

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@Fluffybull she's very messy and only does Chores when it gets really bad. When flies are starting to sprout... Or I visit... Which these days is very rare

Fluffybull · F

@Mellowgirl She may be depressed or have other mental health issues? Early signs of Alzheimer's? Can you suggest she have a check-up at the doctors?

Lilnonames · F

As I now see the 11 hour old post

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@Lilnonames no worries

Lilnonames · F

@Mellowgirl oh it's not your fault

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