The nerve that runs directly from your eyeball to your ass

I was havin’ a bit of a squiz at a human anatomy book today and came across a proper ripper of a discovery. Turns out, there’s a direct line running straight from your eyeball to your chocolate frog.
The medicos call it the Anal Optic Nerve. Its main job is giving folks a consistently shitty outlook on life. Now, if you reckon I’m taking the piss or just talking out me hole, give this a crack: yank a single stray hair from your undercarriage and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye straight away.
The science is choice, mate. Undeniable.