A horse walks onto a bar. The bartender says, " Why the long face?"

My brother was a clown for the Ringling Brothers Circus and when he died all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I woke up and was folding my bed back into a couch and I almost broke both my arms because it’s not one of those beds.

I told my spouse the truth. I told tgem I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then they told me the truth: that they was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender!

Im addicted to placebos

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.

They lived off the smell of an oil rag.

What do you call a bear with no teeth ? A gummy bear .

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.