If you were suddenly struck with cancer and you look back on your life

I was waking up in the hospital for months bc of a brain tumor. No memory bed ridden depressed thank god for family I sometimes wondered what id done to deserve this. However it isnt my fault so much that i must do better and fix my past mistakes. Its a new begining now that im Out and home. I actually think i dl deservd to die. Itd be easier though so apparently my work isnt done.