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Why stay in the friend zone? I just don't get it.

OK so I have a friend and she has been hurt so many times but yet she comes to me and saying, I'm the best friend as I listen, I told her that I would date her, but she said "No. She just likes me as a friend." It's much easier to walk away and have no friends at all but that would make me selfish, but I am tired of this, keeps hurting because of her boyfriends, when it's good she leaves me alone, when it's bad she can't leave me alone. I just feel used and it hurts me.
Mal42
46-50, M
21 replies 124 views Jan 15, 2019
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LindaM · 61-69, F Best Comment
dont let her use you like that...
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
LindaM · 61-69, F
@LindaM Thank you for the best answer and you are welcome... sometimes things suck but we have to be strong and move on up :)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
LindaM · 61-69, F
@Mal42 :)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
Mal42 · 46-50, M
@LindaM absolutely :)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
Lackwittyname · 51-55, M
Well you proposed dating, she said no, so she is not interested in you that way, which is fine, except that you want more. I would figure out if the friendship is worth it for you, or if it is just going to hurt. This all said, if she is not as active of a friend when she has a boyfriend, but comes around when she does not, then I am not sure how good of a friend she is.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
SW-User
Then walk away...actually run. Why punish yourself when she is using you? Move on, waste of time! Stop being a doormat.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
midnightsun · 26-30, M
Tell her to leave you alone.

And, never ever become a girl's emotional tampon unless she's your wife.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Jouskan47
Then distance yourself. Or re-establish what the boundries of your relationship is. If you feel uaed, then respond accordingly.

If you feel you want her to be a part of your life as more than just a friend, then I am happy for you. However, if she tends to use you to comfort herself, the relationship (if I can say that) might be founded on something ratger precarious.

I wish you luck
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019 · Edited: 5 yrs ago
Mal42 · 46-50, M
@Jouskan47 Thank you, that's really common sense.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F
A friend is something to be valued while a lover is not. I consider my friends way more important than someone I date. I have no problem lying to a lover or using them. But a friend? No, I wouldn't mistreat a person with whom I share a friendship.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Mal42 · 46-50, M
@BlueMetalChick That's why it's so hard for me as I feel I'm hurtful and I don't want that. Many thanks for your advice. I am not that kind of person to mistreat a friend hence why I needed advice what to do. I'll always be there for the friend regardless. If I meet someone then great. I'm not looking for dating so that's all good. :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F
@Mal42 Just remember though, I'm a piece of shit who steals from people so of my advice goes wrong, trust your heart before you trust my fraudulent ass 😂
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Mal42 · 46-50, M
@BlueMetalChick But it was good advice. But thank you for your honesty. :)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
SW-User
I learned this the hard way. You can’t make anyone love you. If they do they’ll be there you won’t have to do shit. Distance and heal and find a girl that wants you.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Mal42 · 46-50, M
@SW-User But am I being selfish for doing this? To me I feel guilty for distancing myself.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
SW-User
No you aren’t. Your feelings matter also. @Mal42
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Mindful · 56-60, F
Well yes if you are romantically interested in her... that’s the problem. If you had your own girlfriend it would not hurt you to be a friend to her. I think you should find someone else as a girlfriend, and respect her wishes and just keep her as a friend.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
Mal42 · 46-50, M
Thank you all for good comments, this has been really useful for me.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
monkeysdevil007 · 46-50, M
You are her gay best friend
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jan 15, 2019
Gentlemickey · 70-79, M
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+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Feb 8, 2019
 
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