Can having parents who argue all the time during my child hood (and now) affect me? and how?
I feel like although I ignored it a lot, it really got to me and changed me a lot
If you grew up believing your parents weren't happy then that may explain a lot of your feelings and attitudes as both a child AND as an adult.
It may make you wary of relationships. May give you the idea that 'parents aren't happy people' or that perhaps in some way (in your mind at least) that perhaps they 'regret' having children.
Some, or NONE of the above may be true. But it does make you wonder.
It may make you wary of relationships. May give you the idea that 'parents aren't happy people' or that perhaps in some way (in your mind at least) that perhaps they 'regret' having children.
Some, or NONE of the above may be true. But it does make you wonder.
SW-User
@Picklebobble2 right
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
ScottyTaco · 31-35, M
It could make you hesitent of relationships in all ways. You could be very cautious of a partner, wondering how they will treat you. You could have difficulties getting close to someone in fear of being abused in some way. It could even increase the liklyness of you developing borderline personilty disorder, anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. I know this from personal experience.
SW-User
@ScottyTaco well said
ScottyTaco · 31-35, M
PhoenixPhail · M
Yes, it absolutely can affect you, greatly.
It not only doesn't address your feelings in ways they need to be addressed to show your parents' healthy attachment to you, but it doesn't serve as a healthy reference for how to behave with others, especially in times of disagreement. Ignoring it and your feelings about it, will keep the effects of their arguing at bay, for a while. But the feelings will resurface later and get in the way of your relations with others. You may find yourself being more reactive than responsive - more defending and argumentative than accepting, even when agreeing to disagree is an option. Are you starting to see some of these effects in your relationships?
It not only doesn't address your feelings in ways they need to be addressed to show your parents' healthy attachment to you, but it doesn't serve as a healthy reference for how to behave with others, especially in times of disagreement. Ignoring it and your feelings about it, will keep the effects of their arguing at bay, for a while. But the feelings will resurface later and get in the way of your relations with others. You may find yourself being more reactive than responsive - more defending and argumentative than accepting, even when agreeing to disagree is an option. Are you starting to see some of these effects in your relationships?
SW-User
@PhoenixPhail I'm very quick to defend myself
PhoenixPhail · M
@SW-User You may want to do some "shadow work" to take a look at some of that shit you're packing around with you. It becomes a default operating system, and the more you use it, the tougher it is to get rid of. Let me know if you want to talk by PMing me.
Sandcastler · 26-30, M
View 3 more replies »
Sandcastler · 26-30, M
@SW-User no you never date ppl bc you're afraid of becoming like your parents
SW-User
@Sandcastler I'm nothing like them
Sandcastler · 26-30, M
@SW-User I mean that just reinforces my point. No way could you end up nothing like your parents without actively trying to not be like them
Steve42 · 56-60, M
Yes. They are your first model of how relationships go. You will duplicate it in your own relationships. Of course you can choose now to not do what they do. I did that and now I'm in my 50's and finally ok with myself.
SW-User
@Steve42 I was aware that it was wrong. does that change anything?
Steve42 · 56-60, M
@SW-User It's so ingrained into who you are in ways you don't even have a clue about yet. But you can choose to decide to catch yourself modeling their behavior and choose a different behavior. It's takes a lot of self discipline.
This comment is hidden.
Show Comment
SW-User
I always wanted to escape
SW-User
@SW-User same
carsonfry · 22-25, M
I hated it. It only happed the last two years of their marriage. My Mom divorced that asshole when I was 13, and I disowned him for the rest of my life 2 years ago.
SW-User
@carsonfry good thing they're apart now
Allelse · 36-40, M
My parents always yelled and screamed at each other, so I grew up constantly on the edge of feeling like my world was going to explode. SO GUESS WHAT!!! I grew up to have a problem with doing nothing. When I do nothing, like I'm trying to read a book while I wait for a train, a feeling of panic ushers its way through me. Because at home, peace was seldom lived, at any moment AH YOU FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING AHHHH ARGHHHH!! ARRGGHGHGH FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING!! With slamming doors and shit being thrown around. And I dont think the rape and the sexual, physical and mental abuse helped much either.