My daughter is becoming obese.
I dont want to destroy her ego. How do I broach the subject? Has anyone been in the same situation?
51-55, M
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JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@YourMomsSecretCrush Maybe like other kind people have suggested we go for bonding walks together
fun4us2b · M
@JimboSaturn Walking/Exercise is helpful, but limiting caloric intake is really the key to losing weight - I fooled myself for years, thinking I could lose weight by exercise...
Eating is comforting...reducing discomfort and finding other was of being comforted are keys to helping...
Not easy to figure out how to reduce it - but small steps are usually the best if they can stick...
And always communicate, even when we are dopey parents, being present counts a lot...
Eating is comforting...reducing discomfort and finding other was of being comforted are keys to helping...
Not easy to figure out how to reduce it - but small steps are usually the best if they can stick...
And always communicate, even when we are dopey parents, being present counts a lot...
SomeMichGuy · M
@fun4us2b You *can* lose weight by exercise, but the key is to exercise AND eat better, because the *amount* of exercise to lose the energy equivalent of a pound of fat is just too much work to do all the time.
that’s always a difficult situation. maybe sit her down and ask her if there’s something going on in her life that’s causing extreme emotional distress. tell her you love her but you can tell something is going on. as somebody who gained a lot of weight as a teen due to a medication i think it would have helped if my dad had offered support, whether it be purely emotional, a gym membership, or offering to pay for a dietitian
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JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@crownedwithlaurel97 Its ok thanks
Mamapolo2016 · F
It might be best to approach her about sharing your mutual stress about your wife's illness. Something like, "I know it's affecting me (how can it not?) and I think it might help me to talk to somebody about it. Would you be willing to go to counseling with me?"
It's hard to be 18, just like it's hard to parent an 18 yr old. Maybe a counselor as buffer would help.
I remember thinking many times during my late husband's cancer war, "It would be nice if when cancer starts, all other stresses stopped - but they don't."
🤗🤗
It's hard to be 18, just like it's hard to parent an 18 yr old. Maybe a counselor as buffer would help.
I remember thinking many times during my late husband's cancer war, "It would be nice if when cancer starts, all other stresses stopped - but they don't."
🤗🤗
SomeMichGuy · M
@Mamapolo2016 I really like this.
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Mamapolo2016 · F
@SomeMichGuy And I like this. 🤗
SomeMichGuy · M
@Mamapolo2016 Why, thank you! The approval of a such a fine, wonderful, level-headed person here means lot! 😊🤗🤗🤗
Mamapolo2016 · F
@SomeMichGuy Wow. Thank you! I like you back. 🤗
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
how is your weight? if you happen to also be a bit overweight you could suggest you both go on a diet. I think it is possible to discuss this with her, I am not a big supporter of this "body positivity , everyone is beautiful " attitude. I find it self serving. you tell someone overweight that they are fine and beautiful and sure they will love you for it, but then their health will suffer. I prefer to say it like it is, softly. I am a nutrition consultant, amongst other things. with a safe diet its possible to lose between 1 and 2 pounds a week, more than this is unhealthy and for many reason don't work long term. its more about changing eating habits forever and allowing a controled degree of cheating than starving for a few months and then jumping back into the bad habits. exercise is important to increase metabolism and increase general wellbeing, since bad eating is often related to trying to feel good, but don't count on exercise to actually burn all those calories, aim for weight loss coming from 70% diet and 30% exercise, 100 push-ups is 100 calories and one pound of fat is 3500 calories. see what I mean... the foods that need to be monitored are the carbs and fat mostly with a good portion of protein at every meal to help satiation. eating too much sugar or carbs creates an unbalance in the blood sugar which causes constant craving. the more you eat carbs and sugar the more you want to eat more carbs and sugar. the problem with fat is that its very high in calories. fats need to be carefully measured.
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@JimboSaturn sorry for dumping all that info on you, if you get through to her and you guys want to get on it, write down everything each of you consumes for like 5 days, as precise as possible (food and amount) and send it to me, I can take a quick look and give you some tips. of course I cant do a full case study on you because I do this for a living but I'd gladly take a quick look and give you a few tips to get going.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@reflectingmonkey She has taking ro cooking her own food. Which is not good choices
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@JimboSaturn sugar, carbs, fat and salt are very intense sources of pleasure, this is why fast food and junk food focus on these things because they're like a drug that keeps you wanting more. I advocate a lot for changing lifestyle, not just food, because if more healthy hobbies and exercise are introduced then automatically we start craving good things. also, we need to obseve the effect of foods but if someone is always feel tired or depressed its hard to notice the effect of bad foods because we already feel bad, we have no reference. if you exercise, plan out some outdoor activity, eat healthy food even for just a day, and drink plenty of water, maybe temporarely take some vitamin suplement, then you start to feel good and you notice it "wow, that walk in the mountains made me feel great", then you eat fast food and you notice the good feeling go away and then you feel tired and depressed and unmotivated. that's when the real change happens, you suddenly realize that eating well and exercising makes you feel good and then you have a good reason to do it. people see dieting as privation and then they think " the hell with that, I want to live and enjoy myself" but really the reason for eating better and exercising is specifically to live and enjoy life. its just a deeper understanding of what actually leads to more enjoyment. when I go to the gym, I do it because I remember how I will feel good after. the reason I avoid bad foods is because I remember how I will feel after. food should not be too much of a source of pleasure, good food and exercise are pre-requisits to go find the pleasure in life.
WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F
Are you active? Maybe ask her if she wants to start going for walks together? Does she live at home?Do you have that sort of relationship? Make it a thing about both of you getting healthier and bonding, rather than just talking about her weight? Ask if she wants to cook meals with you, make healthy meals and eat together?
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@WaryWitchWandering I will continue to try that
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@WaryWitchWandering I have never said anything to her. I think that is a good idea
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
helsbels · 31-35, F
SomeMichGuy · M
@helsbels Good reply! 😊
FoolishLuna · 56-60, F
FoolishLuna · 56-60, F
@JimboSaturn is she active?
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@FoolishLuna No. Not at all
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I would imagine has a lot on her mind. Her mom. She has to be do worried and stressed
I know your wife has enough on her mind to have that on it too..a man talking to a woman about her weight..mmm not best idea
Is there other women who are sensitive to her feelings around?
Not that you wouldn't be
I know your wife has enough on her mind to have that on it too..a man talking to a woman about her weight..mmm not best idea
Is there other women who are sensitive to her feelings around?
Not that you wouldn't be
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
SW-User
@JimboSaturn that's good, if that's part of her decisions you can motivate her, but don't body shame her.
But also most people don't end up exercising much at home so that's why gyms are usually better..
If it's about being healthy mostly
But also most people don't end up exercising much at home so that's why gyms are usually better..
If it's about being healthy mostly
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@SW-User Agreed.
You could broach it in a straight forward and kind way. Tell her you want to help her straight up. Sometimes people need to hear the truth. Perhaps suggest a gym membership, you could go together. Or suggest you go on a healthy eating plan together. Edit. I don’t see why a father talking to his daughter about her weight in a kind and constructive manner is an issue. As a mother I would talk to my son or daughter if that’s the case. She might not like hearing it, obviously she is aware of what’s happening. She may be stuck in a hole of depression. Your wife is Sick and is obviously dealing with with that. I would suggest that it’s your duty to broach the subject with her, as her dad.
calicuz · 56-60, M
Well, I think maybe think long and hard about what you want to say. Obviously you want her to know you're only saying anything because you love her and you're concerned about her health.
Maybe as you think of what and how to say things to her you might want to write those words down, so you don't forget anything and so you make sure the words you want to say come out right.
Maybe as you think of what and how to say things to her you might want to write those words down, so you don't forget anything and so you make sure the words you want to say come out right.
UnderLockDown · M
Don't be too shy about it, tough love is a real thing.
Start asking her to walk, and then mid walk start doing little extra exercises until you have a decent workout going on. It will be good for both of you. At some point she will catch on, but she will realize you love her.
Start asking her to walk, and then mid walk start doing little extra exercises until you have a decent workout going on. It will be good for both of you. At some point she will catch on, but she will realize you love her.
Doomflower · 36-40, M
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@WonderGirl 18
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
InOtterWords · F
I saw you said she is 18, technically an adult.
As a parent of a 16 year old, if i thought my child was living a lifestyle that was damaging to their health i would tell them that i love them and am concerned for them. I would suggest going to the doctors for guidance and offering to go with for moral support.
They may just shut you down
As a parent of a 16 year old, if i thought my child was living a lifestyle that was damaging to their health i would tell them that i love them and am concerned for them. I would suggest going to the doctors for guidance and offering to go with for moral support.
They may just shut you down
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@MarineBob Yes that doesn't help but understandable. How is she doing by the way?
ImRileyTheDog · 22-25, F
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
I'm glad to hear at least some have a regard for other people's feelings. That's not something you see often in our family.
pdockal · 56-60, M
Do you exerxise
Are you obese
Do you eat healthy
What example are you seting
Are you obese
Do you eat healthy
What example are you seting
deadgerbil · 26-30
Maybe start working out and include her with your workouts. Exercise is always easier with someone else imo
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JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@MartinTheFirst ok
Nanori · F
Does she have any siblings?
Lostpoet · M
buy her a cute gym outfit
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Happymedium · 56-60, F
@SW-User @JimboSaturn
mASSter lee!!!!!!
don't think you even need to practice at being an @ss
Same name....new spelling🤭mASSter lee!!!!!!
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@Happymedium I just blocked the stupid fucker lol
bijouxbroussard · F
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@bijouxbroussard Agreed!
Fukfacewillie · 56-60, M
LordShadowfire · 46-50, M
Buy her some Coca-Cola with the original, REAL recipe.
(I'm kidding. Don't feed your daughter drugs.)
Yeah, I don't have any really good tips for you. Unfortunately, telling your daughter that she's getting obese is harder these days, because you don't want to be seen as fat shaming, or give her body image issues. My best suggestion is that you talk to someone who works as a counselor for teenage girls.
(I'm kidding. Don't feed your daughter drugs.)
Yeah, I don't have any really good tips for you. Unfortunately, telling your daughter that she's getting obese is harder these days, because you don't want to be seen as fat shaming, or give her body image issues. My best suggestion is that you talk to someone who works as a counselor for teenage girls.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@LordShadowfire good idea
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JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@swirlie 🤣
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@SomeMichGuy Don't worry about it buddy. I don't think a response is necessary.