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I Am Divorced

I just moved out with my two kiddos ages 2 and 5. My ex has 50-50 custody of my stepdaughter who is 8, but she's usually with his mom during the time he is supposed to have her. I am waiting on a volunteer attorney to take my case for custody as I want sole legal and physical custody. He can have parenting time, and right now due to a Child Protective Services ongoing assessment he is supposed to have supervision when around his kids due to drug use and buying and selling.
I am really angry. He has told my mother that he got a lawyer and wants 50-50 custody of his kids, but he doesn't even ask to see them. He's contacted me 4 times this week, and only once he asked, "How are they? Tell them I love them." It took him 4 times to actually think to ask me about them. I am documenting all of this too. I hope a judge will see through his "Boo hoo I'm recovering" bullshit story. This isn't even our first go round with CPS. This isn't his first go round as an addict either! he's been to treatment once, and he left early for "good behavior". He doesn't see anything wrong with his actions sadly, and I got tired of trying to be the only one in the marriage to communicate and fix things. I got tired of his mom coming over at 6am and knocking on our window to wake him up for work. I got tired of his lies and excuses- wasting money on narcotics and weed and then selling them and buying 50$ worth of scratchies, yet he told his mom, "I needed to sell drugs to buy groceries because my wife won't buy her share of groceries." She believed him.
My mother in law is an enabler to a T, and she also plays favorites with her grandchildren. Out of her son's 3 children, she loves the oldest the most. The 8 year old is at her house 3-4 nights a week, spending the night, getting brand new clothes, and gets to go to an expensive private school. My 2 kids don't even get picked up from daycare early to spend time with their half sister anymore because grandma dislikes me for choosing divorce. Grandma doesn't understand the concept of back child support either.
My ex and I seperated a year ago before he went to treatment, and there was a CPS case then too. I filed for daycare assistance and started going to school for my bachelors degree, and my in law is the type of cuntsicle to tell my mom, "Well she's at her 5th attempt at education and she makes more than my son, yet she gets child support- she just wants a free ride." When their dad wasn't there to provide for them up to 6 months, I was doing it all. He has an obligation for back support because he has children. Free ride my ass. I wonder how this woman in real estate can ok selling drugs instead of getting a second job. She actually told my mom, "I wish Bri cared for her kids more and put them first." Yup. I left her lame ass dumb shit son to protect my kids.
And my mom is no better. These family "supports" are far from supportive. As a single mom of 2 kids 5 and under I'm told I don't get breaks, I don't deserve to go out and have time to myself, and I should deal with it all just fine because this is what I wanted right?
No this isn't what I wanted. I wanted a family and a forever home and a marriage with a man that could and does choose his family first over everything else in the world. He chose drugs. He chose scratch offs. He still chooses to spend time with other people over his kids. "Sorry friend's grandfather died. It has been rough for him." How do you think it has been for your children asshole?
I am exhausted every single day. I work 6 days a week as a caregiver for adults with developmental disabilities. I've had a gross respiratory virus almost a month now, and if I have an extra hour before work because I brought my kids to daycare early- fantastic. I'll have added stress when classes start online again for my healthcare admin degree I'm working on, but I don't care. I'm doing the things that are going to benefit myself and my little ones in the long run, and although it is hard now, it WILL be so worth it in the end. Divorcing is the best decision I have made in the start of the new year.
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I can feel the anger, disappointment and feelings of injustice in what you wrote. I've been there so believe me when I say...Money is important because it buys things kids need, but it doesn't raise them. Education is close to my heart but you can't learn or teach love. So your ex isn't going to "get it".

You have two sons who love you and you love them enough for both parents, grand parents, etc...you will find that is enough to go through this. It's gonna get hard and hurt but love is a salve. And your children WILL respect you and appreciate what you've done to comfort them and shield them. Trust me on this. It also seems that with breaking with the marriage, you are gonna lose a lot of extra stress that came with that.. a lot of baggage.
I'm sorry my response was so long..but you struck a heart cord with me. I wish you every happiness and success, I truly do.
Starkizzed21 · 31-35, F
@Pixiering thank you so very much yes the love I have for my babies will get us through and they definitely will respect me in the end.
Runaway · 36-40, F
Addiction is a disease it affects everyone around you. Your a amazing person for no longer allowing your child to live in the middle of it keep doing what you need to to be happy and healthy. Your doing the right thing keeping your children safe.
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
I wouldn't really worry about the case at all. Clearly your going to get custody of the kid's. Pretty clear he has problems and can't handle the kid's at all.
Starkizzed21 · 31-35, F
@smileylovesgaming I do worry because the judge is a big fan of having both parents be in kids lives and work it out.
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
@Starkizzed21 I'm all the way with kid's having both parent's. But if the father can't stop taking drug's. Pay that child support on time. And handle a job more then a week or 2. They won't give him custody
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
That's a terrible situation to be in. I am sorry to hear it.
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
I'm glad you are getting away from him. I hope you will be able to get your life back on track
firefall · 61-69, M
I have nothing but admiration for how you're handling a dreadful situation. Look after yourself & nurture yourself, and I pray the lawyer you get knows his ass from his elbow, because Family Courts are still too inclined to take a mans word of things from what I've seen :(

 
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