How do you stop feeling guilt?

I am so sorry to hear about your father. Guilt, is still something I am still trying to work through. My dad took his own life last February. We hadn't been in contact for a couple of years prior to his passing. I stayed away, due to past abuse. That I needed to work through and am still working through. I am not trying to make this about me. If, I could go back in time. I would have wished to be a part of my father's last days. Despite having been away for so long. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to "eventually" be able to make things"right" between us. I never ended up getting that opportunity. Never in million years, did I think I would never see him again. I would have came back eventually. I just needed to prioritize my mental health for awhile and take the necessary steps towards healing. I never stopped loving him. I wish, I had the chance to at least tell him goodbye....I can understand, you feeling guilty. Your feelings are valid. Your reasoning for not visting him as often, are also valid. I would encourage you, to try and make the most of your fathers last days. As much, as you wish you had visited him more. You can't change the past. What is most important is that you're there now. Letting go of that guilt and processing that guilt. May take some time, that is okay. I just hope you aren't so overwhelmed with guilt, that you forget what is most important to you, right now. You deserve to be able to say goodbye to him.

You’re only human. You can only do the best you can each day. Sure we all could do more?! That’s not a realistic thing in life. You have done what you could with the energy that you have.

This isn’t quite your situation but my brother was annoyed at me. He wanted to send my dad back to Europe and I said no I won’t help. He was mad and said I was being cheap. When he asked if we could send mum I didn’t hesitate. I made my decisions based on the relationship I had with each parent. It’s just how it works.

Hopefully you are able to realize that you have nothing to feel guilty over. If your mother was as abusive as she sounds, and he did nothing, I'm sorry but he is just as bad as her. He is lucky you visited him at all.

All of that aside, when people we love go, we can only be there so much and do so much to help comfort them. You aren't a superhero and you can't stop the natural way of things. We all face death at some point, and it does suck and seem unfair, maybe after we are gone we will know why. Maybe not. However....you have nothing to feel guilty over. You are doing a lot by visiting him and spending time. He knows you love him, and he is facing now what we will all face eventually. Maybe not cancer for everyone, but many of us.

Guilt is a hard thing to get over but you must understand no matter how much time we spend with someone we always could do more. You must just apply to your life the time that you are able to spend with him spend with him if he is already in hospice you have very little time left make the most of it you can't change the past.

I don’t see you being manipulative towards him at any level. Just be available now in these short days and give him what you can. Even if he doesn’t show appreciation, believe me it makes a difference!

Just remember, you did what you did, for your father!

No need for guilt on anyone's part, he would not want that, mortality is part of life's cycle.

I am sure your dad would want you to continue to live your life.

Situationally, it's out of your hands because it was in the past; behaviorally, he was difficult to suffer along with and you have long-standing resentment.

He didn't really deserve your visits - so the ones you gave him is a reflection of your decency as a human being.

I hope you learn to accept that.

Focus on the fond memories you have of him. It is not up to you to be his comforter. That honour belongs to God not humans.

You were there when it mattered most

🌸

Knowing the difference between intentional and accidental pain 🙏🏼

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your being there was more than he deserved.