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How do you stop feeling guilt?

When my dad was in a nursing home the past two years, I started visiting twice a week, but went down to once a week. He was often irate and it was difficult..but mostly our visits were good. My sister said she'd only do once a week because of how he treated us in our life, mainly backing up my mom's horrible severe abuse. So I went once a week.

He was recently diagnosed with aggressive cancer, untreatabl, in January . It was heartbreaking. He's been in hospice a week now and each day he can talk less🥺 He was the only parent I could sometimes ask minor advice. And even though I've been by his side each day, telling him I love him, I get guilt still that I didn't go as often last year as I could have. 🙁 I think it's going to make me anxious after he passes. How to alleviate any of it?
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HelloItsMeAgain · 26-30, FNew
I am so sorry to hear about your father. Guilt, is still something I am still trying to work through. My dad took his own life last February. We hadn't been in contact for a couple of years prior to his passing. I stayed away, due to past abuse. That I needed to work through and am still working through. I am not trying to make this about me. If, I could go back in time. I would have wished to be a part of my father's last days. Despite having been away for so long. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to "eventually" be able to make things"right" between us. I never ended up getting that opportunity. Never in million years, did I think I would never see him again. I would have came back eventually. I just needed to prioritize my mental health for awhile and take the necessary steps towards healing. I never stopped loving him. I wish, I had the chance to at least tell him goodbye....I can understand, you feeling guilty. Your feelings are valid. Your reasoning for not visting him as often, are also valid. I would encourage you, to try and make the most of your fathers last days. As much, as you wish you had visited him more. You can't change the past. What is most important is that you're there now. Letting go of that guilt and processing that guilt. May take some time, that is okay. I just hope you aren't so overwhelmed with guilt, that you forget what is most important to you, right now. You deserve to be able to say goodbye to him.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@HelloItsMeAgain I'm sorry of your dad's passing and suicide. It must have been horrible learning of it. I'm sure he'd know still now if you told his spirit that you wanted to come back , you needed time. I think he'd hear you even now. 🌹 Ty so much for saying I deserve the chance to say bye. I am grateful for that. Many warm wishes friend 🌷